Scientists and philosophers at UCLA were given a grant a few months ago to find out just, what the problem is, with young up and coming starlets. UCLA are pondering issues such as: why are successful, young Hollywood starlets, acting in such an outrageous fashion? Are there any physical similarities in common? Is the problem biological? Could it be psychological?
Well the study has been done and researchers have come up with the same results. First, they tried to find a common thread, where did it all start. Tracing the outrageous behavior to its roots it all seems to have started with Paris Hilton's outlandish party behavior.
Paris went partying big and everyone else followed suit. Paris went commando for the paparazzi, young Hollywood went commando, Paris gets in trouble with the law, young Hollywood follows her right into jail.
Scientists found a pheromone secreted only by Paris Hilton and they've deemed it, "The PHactor", P H actor instead of factor, for Paris Hilton, The PHactor effects people exposed to Paris Hilton for any length of time. It somehow gets into the cerebral cortex weakling the victims will and submitting to any suggestions, no matter how stupid, given by Paris Hilton. It's a sort of hypnosis or power of suggestion.
The study is continuing to isolate the pheromone and see if there's possibly any military applications to this new interesting finding. UCLA will be releasing a medical paper on the phenomenon next month.
Paris has already put a patent on her pheromone and will be creating a fragrance for both men and women rendering them vulnerable to the power of Paris suggestion.
Just what evil Paris has in mind for such power is anybody's guess. The next Presidental election perhaps, or maybe swaying the Academy of Arts and Sciences for the next Academy Awards. Whatever her diabolic plan, we're sure it can only be a bad thing for humanity.
From the desk of
Buck E Filbert