Nutritionists and genetics researcher are announcing a connection between a longevity gene and a starvation diet. Dr Poindexter Poinsinister explains that the livelonger gene is fired up in roundworms who live on a barebones diet.
These invertebrates can live five times longer if they are only allowed to eat rice cakes and water. The miracle diet occurred to the researcher when he observed the eating habits of his college coed lab assistance: "I've watch these skinny-minnies starving themselves for years. Except for the ones that ended up dying in rehab, most of these girls seem to be doing fine. So I fed their deprivation diets to our worms and now we have the oldest, skinniest worms in the world!"
Some scientists are disputing the study since these round worms are not only the oldest and the thinnest."They are also the most inactive worms in the world!", disputes wormologist Professor Goan Phishin, "There's nary a wiggle out of these poor starving creatures. There's probably more motion from the worm in Laura Bush's bed!"