Local Junior High Student to Compete in National Science Fair

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Monday, 5 March 2007


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image for Local Junior High Student to Compete in National Science Fair
Is this easier for a right or left handed person to take off?

Hal Peno Junior, a local eighth grader at Buckley E. Filberamous Middle School, recently won the regional science fair competition and will move on to the national level. Hal's project is on the differences in manual dexterity levels between right and left handed young men in their attempts to remove rear-hooking bras while in the back seats of motor vehicles.

As most people are right handed, and most women have to put on their own bras from behind anyway, it is commonly theorized that the right handed person would be at an advantage in moving towards first base and beyond. Young Mr. Peno, however, took into account that the young women have their hands flipped over in a reversed position when putting on their own support garments while the young men attempting to remove them would normally have their hands in a normal, upright position. For this reason, he felt that the left handed might have an advantage.

Hal used several student, and a few teacher, volunteers to complete the experiment. The local Hertz dealership was cooperative in providing eight vehicles to the school for the research on seven different evenings, on the condiditon that the cars be driven only by parents or teachers.

In Hal's research, he worked as both one of the male students (he is right handed) and as the official photographer. Sixteen different girls, aged twelve to fifteen, and two female teachers (thirty-one and twenty-seven) agreed to be the subjects of the experiment. To add fully to the mix and use different levels of tightness and elasticity on the bras, their cup sizes ranged from A to D. The women provided their own undergarments, though Hal did insist on full inspection and photograpy before proceeding.

While 412 of Hal's classmates, 36 neighbors, his father and uncles, and 17 teachers volunteered to show their manual dexterity at removing the bras, he chose foure right handed and five left handed students at random (picking himself as the other right handed person).

Over the course of seven different evenings (Fridays after football games and Saturdays), the cars and test subjects met out by the river levy. Hal wanted to continue the project and his research, but time constraints regarding the date of the science fair required him to finish earlier than anticipated.

At the school level competition, Hal easily took the sweepstakes prize. At the regional science fair, judges required six hours of viewing and reviewing the homemade video portion of the experiment before announcing him the winner.

Before leaving for Washington D.C., Hal wished to thank the manager of the local Walgreens Drug Store for donating KY jelly, chapstick, home pregnancy tests, blank video tapes, and disposable cameras to assist in the work. Dave's Creative Photography has also agreed to reproduce any of the pictures from the experiment or the two hour video for any persons wanting a souvenier of the local winner's work. These can be purchased at the location for a minimal fee.

Hal Peno Jr. is the first area resident to move on to the national level of the science fair competition since King David's project on butterfly masterbation techniques.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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