Pot Farmers Dream Of Growing A Crop On Mars

Written by XRhonda Speaks

Monday, 9 January 2017

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Pothead farmers may soon be growing crops on Mars in a partnership with Virgin Galactic.

Hi-tech potheads in California want to be the first people to farm on Mars, and farmer Tad Hope is ready to take on the mission.

Hope, a vocal proponent of the Green Mars movement, has posted numerous videos of his concept and test farm in Cedar Knolls, California. One video documents how Tad Hope and his six employees lived in a VW bus for up to a year at a time while cultivating traditional crops and several tons of marijuana.

"If we could live that long together in a van and still be friends and be able to work with each other, for sure we can make the trip and set up a farm on Mars. Anyway, stoners will just watch movies or play video games to pass away the time on the long trip, it sounds like it was made for potheads."

Entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson is on board with the newly formed Green Mars movement, and spoke to local press while visiting friends in Dillonshire, England.

"NASA turned down this project for reasons of their own, but I think this is a project more suited to the private sector anyway. By 2040 we hope to have the first shipments of Virgin SpaceBud™ to ship to earth, by then it will probably be legal across the US on the federal level. But right now how can NASA even plan a mission for a crop that is illegal?"

"As for concerns that we're just going to shoot some stoners into space and hope they get to Mars, that's the furthest thing from the truth: Our astrofarmers will get the same training as the rest of the Mars crew which will include pilots, biologists, lawyers, and a couple of Sumo wrestlers."

Stoners in space? Will they even find their way to Mars?

That's the very reason NASA has turned down the project, the mixture of potheads and interplanetary travel spooks a lot of people according to NASA planning coordinator Jinx Mulcahy.

"We're having a hard time with funding as it is: NASA has done more with less money in the last two decades than we even thought possible, meanwhile the new president doesn't appreciate the work we do and has signaled a willingness to cut our budget even more. So a project like Green Mars will create unneeded attention as well as roadblocks to funding all of our other work. We will watch with great interest however, and with the highest of hopes for Virgin Galactic and Green Mars to beat Budnik the Russian team."

So is this the new Space Race?

According to Stu Yorgen, a top marijuana breeder in Amsterdam, it's a race on all levels.

"Yes, everyone wants to be first, the first farmer, the first to have his strain grown on Mars, the first to smoke SpaceBud™."

Yorgen is lobbying both US and Russian teams to grow his top strains Diesel Kush and Captain Crunch Crunch Berries.

"You know the Russians aren't exactly known for good weed, but nowadays even a rookie grower can get their hands on good top bud strains. So let's hope if the Russians make the effort to get to Mars and even get there first, they will grow something really good, if not one of my strains."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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