Theologians prove that God is a teapot

Written by IainB

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

image for Theologians prove that God is a teapot
God is a teapot

Theologians have scoured the archaeological evidence and come to the conclusion that God, the supreme creator, is a teapot.

"Whenever we do any kind of archaeological dig," said Professor Lupine Hatter, of Manchester University, "we find pottery shards. Earlier back in history, there were stone tools shaped to allow them to hold hot liquids."

The Teapotters, as they have become known, maintain that these pottery shards and earlier stone pots, were designed in the image of an idol. A god.

"We still see today in ceremonies like the Japanese Tea Ceremony, a veneration of the teapot," said Hatter. "This idolisation of the teapot goes back to the dawns of mankind."

The Teapotters have suggested that the creator of all things showed itself to early hominids and gave them the power of warm drinks.

"This ability to make warm drinks saved mankind from various water borne pathogens," said Hatter. "And in this moment, lifted those early hominids from being creatures of the plains to sentient beings capable of rational thought and the belief in the teapot."

According to Hatter, all religions have ultimately stemmed from this early teapot religion, with the Christian God being a nice floral teapot, with a human beard hair tea-cosy, whilst the Muslim Allah has a cloth tea-cosy.

"Underneath the tea-cosy, it's all the same teapot," said Hatter. "Even older religions like the Greco-Roman pantheon, or the array of Norse and Egyptian gods all stem from the teapot. Like four blind men identifying different aspects of the teapot, they constructed different gods. A spout, a handle, a lid and a body."

Hatter believes that where there are more gods, more blind men identified ever smaller aspects of the same teapot.

And where is this teapot now?

"The teapot is all around us," said Hatter. "And one day, we will be brewed enough to be poured from the spout."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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