Written by Kid Icarus

Saturday, 24 December 2011

image for Air Jordan limited edition for sale?
"I need a pair of Air Jordan!"

People with an intelligence quota between 22-68 caused a frenzy at retail outlets across the nation as scuffles broke out that nearly caused riots in many places.

Garry Kasparov, World Chess Grandmaster, who possess an intelligence quota of 190 says Air Jordan shoes have no functional value that merits the price tag of $180.00. "I would rather buy myself a good pair of shoes for $40.00 and spend the remaining $140.00 on a young, nice looking prostitute to get my monies worth," said Kasparov.

Inner city shoppers stood in long lines through the cold night to get their hands on a retro version of one of the most popular models of Air Jordans ever made. The fights were reminiscent of violence that broke out in the early 1990s on streets across America's inner cities when kids were getting killed over their Air Jordan sneakers because the shoes became popular targets for underage thieves whose parents were on food stamps.

In Seattle, police pepper sprayed 20 customers who started fighting at a mall.

A police officer said people started gathering around midnight at six stores in the mall for a chance to buy the famous shoes. The crowd grew to more than 1,000 people by 3 a.m., when the stores opened the crowds left behind a trail of urine, feces, toilet paper and fast food trash.

One man was arrested for assault after authorities say he pushed an officer.

"He did not get his shoes; he went to jail," a police officer said.

Arrests also were reported at stores in Georgia, Chicago, and Michigan.

In 1989, one woman spent her entire welfare check to buy her son a pair of Air Jordan just before he was killed on the streets and his body was discovered shoeless.

But the uproar over the shoe had died down in recent years leaving the mothers of dead, inner city children pondering the meaning of life.

In Lithonia, Ga., at least four people were arrested after a crowd of customers, who typically have their way with women, broke down the door of a store before the store selling the Air Jordans opened.

A wealthy, Harvard educated representative for Nike, based in Beaverton, Ore., was not immediately available to comment on the violence.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: IQ

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