Best Ponytail for People With Sociophobia Disorders

Written by Ellie James

Thursday, 16 February 2012

image for Best Ponytail for People With Sociophobia Disorders
None of these people were participants of the study aside from the woman in the very back.

Cambridge, Massachusetts - America's top hairologists at Harvard University have at last concluded their study of the best-rated hairstyles for people who suffer from Sociophobia. Studies find that about 13% of the US population suffers from some sort of fear of people or social situations. Social phobia can be defined as the fear of being negatively evaluated in social situations.

Of the subjects studies, time and again, women find it easier to cope with sociophobia due to the fact it doesn't take them long to achieve the desired hairstyle needed to face the world. Only a few men studied had the desired hair needed.

In the study led by Dr. Harry Harrison, 100% of women who had hair long enough to put a ponytail hanging down in front of their face faired better in public than those who do not. Of the women who had short hair, 100% couldn't complete the task of buying an ice cream at the shop down the road.

Of the women who had a side ponytail, one woman was able to complete the task. This was due to the fact it had gotten windy and blew her ponytail in front of her face every time she came across a person.

Of the men studied, none of them completed the task. This was due in large part because one of them went into the wrong shop because he couldn't see. The other man thought he heard the voice of his ex-girlfriend and ran the other way and into a pothole resulting in a trip to the hospital and 11 stitches above the eye.

Said Dr. Harrison, "Wearing a ponytail in front of your face does seem to work and will shield you, however it can have some consequences. It's also hard to tell what the subjects would do outside of a controlled environment."

Harrison and his team at Harvard will continue to study the front of the face ponytail and the implications it has on sociophobia.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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