Advice From Will Rogers

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Wednesday, 2 June 2021

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Don't call an octogenarian "sir." He's just an "older kid."

Rummaging through the Will Rogers memorabilia at the UCLA special collections library, I came across these timely pieces of advice from America's foremost soapbox philosopher.

They are as appropriate today as when he penned them a century ago.

Advice to teens: Don't call an octogenarian "sir." He's just an "older kid."

Advice to octogenarians: When you replace a major household appliance, don't buy an extended warranty.

It's also not a good idea for them to buy green bananas.

Advice to classical composers: Write your unforgettable Fifth Symphony first. Most composers never get beyond their First.

Advice to college girls: Don't marry an inept history major; choose an electrical engineer instead. HE can fix anything.

Advice to college guys looking for a girl: Attend, but don't enroll, in the introductory elementary education class, enter the room early, sit in the second seat in the first row... and just wait!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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