Is antisocialism on the rise?

Written by Purple Girl

Thursday, 18 July 2019

image for Is antisocialism on the rise?
Even this tomcat refuses to speak to us.

We've all heard about socialism and its alleged dangers to society. But did you know there is also antisocialism, and it's on the rise? We sent our news crew out to investigate.

We first approach a random citizen, "John Nunyabusiness," which we suspect is not his real name. He yells, "Get that [deleted] camera out of my face before I shove it up your..."

So we looked for others to interview. Ironically, we find that some who support socialism will often resort to antisocial tactics.

A random green-haired, female-appearing individual attempted to sling acid at us when we tried to ask if this person thought they were using the wrong strategy to fight for peace. They chant, "Get outta here, you hater, you [deleted] Nazi! I won't miss next time!"

Now that's a very sociable way to make a point. Just settle a score over a friendly game of chemical warfare.

Next, we called our local mayor, Joe Dunning, to see if he felt that antisocialism was a problem and if he could do more to stop it. He promptly hung up the phone. When we went to visit the mayor, we were escorted out by City Hall security.

When we asked a dog we passed that was tied up to a resident's porch, we asked about antisocialism, and he merely stared at us, tilted his ears back, tucked his tail, growled, barked, and tried to bite one of us. Then the owner came out, said to leave her dog alone, and threatened to call the police if we didn't leave.

Then we headed down 15th Street, an area where even cab drivers won't go, apparently due to a spate of robberies and fatal assaults. That is when we tried to interview a man known locally with the street name of Dread Dude. He attempted to proposition members of our team, and when we declined, he told us to do things we won't print with ourselves, calling us racists and various unprintable things.

So, while our attempt to cover this phenomenon has left us with more questions than answers, it seems from our experiences that we all face a greater risk from antisocialism than socialism.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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