To Would or Would Not - Finale

Funny story written by JinoLeFeeto

Wednesday, 5 June 2019

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At the end of part 3:

“I might, but my name would not be Steve, it would be Tree,” said Treetrunk.
“It's really easy. Would just put your lips together and blow,” 'said Melon Nia.
“I would remember that, Slim, after the operation,” said Treetrunk.
“Oh, and my name would not be Slim, it is Melon, Melon-Nia,” she said in a heavy Russian accent.

And Now the Finale of To Would or Would Not:

Sweat ran down Treetrunk's forehead as he fished around in the Frenchman's posterior for a spent bullet. The man moaned and whispered, "that feels great baby...".

"I would put some more of that chloroform on him, 'e's comin' round." The man's fiance responded by wetting a cloth with a can of chloroform and putting it briefly on her mouth and nose.

"No, that would not be yourself you..." she fell to the floor and the can of chloroform spilled all over.

"Jesus would have a field day with her stupidity," said Treetrunk.

Treetrunk found the bullet and dropped it on a plate, bandaged the wound. "I would not let him walk for a couple of days. I would avoid all Germans if possible."

Treetrunk went out the door in search of Melon-nia, She was waiting for him in the hallway. "You would like to find me?" she asked coyly.

"I would not," Treetrunk lied, "I would like to get the hell off of this island and soon as you're ready."

"I would like to go too, you would not like Mr Pinch to go too?"

"He would do what he likes," said Treetrunk.

Just then, D'Angela Merklehofer and three men approached them, "I would like to know somethink, Mr Rick."

"I would not be Rick, I would be Treetrunk," he said rolling his eyes, "What would you like to know?"

"I would like to know where you and your boat were last night," said D'Angela Merklehofer.

"I would not tell you, but my boat was in the water and I was in a bar," smiled Treetrunk.

"You would lie, to me then, you were on you boat, Mr Pinch already told us, he would be with us. He would drink like a fish, but we would not let him and he told us plenty."

"I would lie, but I need a cigarette first. Melons, look in my desk I think I would have some in there," said Treetrunk looking at Melon's melons.

"I would love to get you a cig er ette," said Melo-nia. going to the desk and opening the drawer, revealing a gun that only she could see. She left the drawer open.

"Thanks, Slim er well in places anyway," he said staring at Melon-ias melons as he walked around her to the desk. Now then Ms Merklehofer, would that man with a gun intend to shoot me if I Iie?"

"He would or he would not have it," she said adamantly nodding at the man who leered at Treetrunk.

"That would be a real shame," said Treetrunk leering back. He pulled the trigger on the gun, splintering the cheap wood desk and killing the man. Treetrunk held the gun up in sight of everyone and spoke less politely.

"Yes, that would be a shame!" said Treetrunk, "Now Merklehofer, you're going to do some things for me or you would be very much as dead as your man there."

"I would not...." she started to protest, but the gun in her bosom made her catch her breath and rethink, "of course, that would be hasty for me to say that, what would you like?"

"I would want you on the phone telling your people to let Mr Pinch go, I would make it very sincere or this trigger would get squeezed, see? Then I want a harbor pass for three people," he looked at Melon-ia, "I counted right, didn't I?"

"I would say you haven't missed me yet," said Melon-ia, her eyes deep in Treetrunk's.

"Good, I would not want to get halfway to Haiti and have balling," said Treetrunk.

"I would not Steve, I mean Rick, I mean...all you would have to do is whistle."

Don't miss the Sequel! To Could or Could Not!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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