Toast, toasted, and burnt to a crisp for the last weeks, and now our punters are arriving in FUR COATS! Yes, people, the temperature has dropped below 30 degrees in Alaska at last, and, at 29 degrees, people are now feeling the 'BIG FREEZE!'
Even Volga Olga is feeling chilly breezes between her leatherette thighs and was last seen putting a red-hot vibrating thing there to warm it up just in case icicles appear!
Our Chinese Chief Chef, WAN-KIN-DIK, has made a RED HOT CHILI PEPPER SOUP to warm the cockles of punters hearts - sadly, we have had a tsunami of flatulence, and the stench is unbearable!
So global NUTTERS, get your woolly undies on, because from now on we have to agree with TRUMP: global warning is bullshit because the BIG FREEZE has arrived, and our resident poet laureate, Sir Francis (certainly not a ducky!) Charlton, has recited this fab ditty written by the one and only, Jaggedone, in 5 seconds flat:
Hot chilly peppers, boiling
Hot bums, farting, need oiling
Polar bears floating on ice
Hairless heads have no lice
The Big Freeze is here
How very queer! (but not in a gay way!)
Hardened Scots never feel the heat - they just swing their kilts!