Halloween to Happyween: Smiles Not Scares This Year

Funny story written by pinkwalrus

Tuesday, 11 October 2016

image for Halloween to Happyween: Smiles Not Scares This Year
This might be too scary

"This year is scary enough," says Heather Jamison, suburban mom. "A bunch of us got together, and decided to find ways to give kids a break this Halloween rather than scare them any more than they already are."

The idea seems to be catching on across the nation.

As the presidential election continues to progressively devolve in more disturbing and grotesque ways on a daily basis, parents are doing what they can to provide a safe and nurturing environment for their kids.

"Scary is the last thing that we need right now. My kids already have nightmares regularly. And to be honest so do I," admitted Mark Gladstone.

How to Happyween: back off the scary and amp up the fall fun!

Spiders, bats, and crows? - focus on butterflies, swallows, and lovely fall leaves

Skeletons? - stick with scarecrows this year

Vampires, Frankensteins and witches? - friendly farmers, helpful wizards, loving grandparents

Haunted house? - just skip it, scary things pop out in the news every day right now

Clowns? - absolutely not

Focus on food: candy corn and pumpkin pies are still ok

Include butter-based items. Fat is always comforting.

Allow kids to express themselves in a safe and sheltered way:

Consider setting aside a room with crayons and paper where upset kids are encouraged to vividly draw their election monsters and ghouls and animate any terrifying talk they hear.

Maybe set up a second room with markers and paper for adults. Include hard alcohol.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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