The Case Against Sports- Part 4: Games

Written by Dick Sheerer

Wednesday, 22 July 2015


For as long as games have been played philosophers and intellectuals have wondered why they are played. Subsequent to centuries of careful deliberation the consensus has concluded that the only rationale is because game playing is the opposite of doing work. It's what young people do before they are competent enough to do actual work. It's what infants do because that's all they're able to do. When babies try to adapt to their new life they are like helpless know-nothing imbeciles, clueless about everything, wrong about most things, and certain about nothing, yet curiously active exploring and absorbing the world around them. Their brains are not fully developed and their little minds are in a pure state of innocent ignorance. That is where their love of games starts and that is where it remains until they wise up.

As toddlers they start to walk and run, wandering around aimlessly playing with toys instead of getting serious and growing up. Kids don't really want to grow up; they would rather play games than go to work. But they are eventually forced into growing up and getting a job, and they never fully recover from this innocence lost syndrome. From their very first peek-a-boo-I-see you fun play with grandma they thought life was always going to be a game. But it turned out to be a cruel joke when their joy was ripped away by a reality check. The trauma haunts them into adulthood with flashbacks of sentimental nostalgia and a profound desire to return to that carefree time. In an effort to re-live their childhood grown-ups play games and participate in various sports, because those play activities are as close as they can come to matching that infantile feeling.

For avid players the game represents all that is good in the world. It's their sole source of satisfaction and the one reason why they choose to live at all because it's the only way they will ever find any fulfillment in life. They think that they'll die without it, and they are correct. If they lose the will to live, then so be it. The sad news is that game playing fosters a simpleton mentality, and converts society into a ship of feeble-minded fools sailing down into a sewer. The only lifeboat is to denounce games and shun those who play them.

The term 'Game' comes from the root words Gay Men, which refers to the long tradition of game playing as a fundamentally homosexual activity. Sportsmen are uncontrollably attracted to the field of play with other men, then disrobe in the locker room together, followed by naked showers and you can only imagine what else. There's no shame in being a homosexual, it's just that it might be bad for business if all the macho fans found out that their favorite hero was gay. It might cause them to doubt their own masculinity. That's why some linguists insist the root meaning of Game is Gay Me. So you may also be. If you like games then it's OK. If it's more fun for you to stay in the closet, then make sure you wear headsets so no one hears you watching the game -- unless you play with yourself.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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