The Case Against Sports- Part 3: Losers

Funny story written by Dick Sheerer

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Losers

One of the main problems with Sports is that it creates a culture of losers. At the end of the season, out of all of the teams and players, only a few are winners. The rest are all pathetic losers. No matter how big and strong they are, when they lose each and every one of them is despised by the cheerleaders, and must suffer the degradation and humiliation of being booed by tens of thousands of angry spectators. Their stupid strikeouts, idiotic errors and foolish fumbles and fowls are witnessed by millions every week from coast to coast on national television, and there's nowhere to hide.

Viewers suspect that lucky touchdowns and home runs are probably rigged in order to make the game less boring. If the plays were authentic nothing interesting would happen and no one would watch, so the games need to be rigged The audience expects players to entertain them with their professional athletic abilities, if they don't viewers wonder why. They only remember the mistakes because it really takes the maximum degree of incompetence to actually lose.

Losers are hated so much that they hope and pray some way to escape the shame. The unbearable stress of having countless disgusted fans focusing their intense rage directly upon them all at once, like a white hot laser burning a hole through their psyche and inflicting painful emotional knife wounds, leaving them ruined and alone in a dejected state of despair. Such is the life of a typical athlete, giving up everything for a fleeting flirt with fame, sacrificing their soul for a passing glance at glory, and losing it all because of one stupid ball.

The mega-agony of defeat far outweighs the quick & cheap thrill of victory, yet millions of youngsters still aspire to play sports But their determination to achieve success only leads to failure and the inevitable feeling of worthlessness. In the final analysis all sports players are losers. Even the winners are losers because what they win is the loss of there dignity.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more