Cookie Monster Warns Democrats About "Coded Speciesism"

Funny story written by TM_Dealer

Saturday, 28 March 2015

Semi-Humorous Disclaimer: No disrespect to Jim Henson Production Intended. I always used to love Sesame Street, so this, in a way, is my small tribute to my old friends; and this one was my best buddy of all.

And I think it's important to remember (regardless of what some journalists from famous non-satire outlet Fox News might say) that the Cookie Monster, Elmo, Oscar the Grouch and others are not partisan figures, but actually rather apolitical; like Jesus or Buddha.

(I'm not sure George Bush or Tony Blair agree with the latter statement, but hey)...

The Cookie Monster is not down with the recent "coded sexism" kerfuffle for Hillary Clinton's election campaign. There are other priorities right now.

Cookie Monster is not appreciate white, non-blue, male non-asexual, middle class non-puppet comment from unofficial Hillary campaigner. Him think very nasty and irrelevant. Is not can be priority of political campaigning community at time like this time.

Cookie Monster is thinking, Cookie Monster is not like coded speciesism. Cookie Monster is not like gluten intolerance and the gluten bigotry.

Cookie Monster is very nice Cookie Monster, is help all the Cookie Monster peoples.

Even they is peoples who is not Cookie Monsters, who they is only are unlegal aliens, Cookie Monster mean they is only stupid humans, is bad peoples which is non-Sesame Street peoples, Cookie Monster help them.

Cookie Monster say:

"Even you is not feel hungry, Cookie Monster is save you from yourselfs. Cookie Monster is not permit silly peoples to think they is not wanting Cookie when they is want Cookie but is not know it yet."

Cookie Monster is generous, he have lot of cookies even for nasty peoples what thinks they not enjoy Cookies. Cookies is nice, nasty peoples is not nice to Cookie Monster, must learn that Cookie Monster's Cookie is also Cookie of peoples who is not like Cookie Monsters.

Cookie Monster think nasty peoples is insult him because they is prejudice against Cookie Monster. Cookie Monster think to himselfs, what other explainables can Cookie Monster think, to tell himself why are the nasty peoples insult and ridicules the Cookie Monster?

Him think, him think, him think again.

Him have a cookie, him think again.

With eating cookie.

Cookie Monster like cookies.

He munch him cookie, him think:

"There is no other conceivables thinks what Cookie Monster can think. Them is speak nasty to nice Cookie Monster because they is not like Cookie Monster, he is different species. Cookie Monster is not like human peoples. Cookie Monster is nice Cookie Monster, is nice kind of peoples, but is other peoples what does not like Cookie Monsters.

Cookie Monsters have mountain of him nice cookies to share with nice peoples, it not matter is them Cookie Monster or not like Cookies, Cookie Monster nice to all the peoples.

Cookie Monster have many yearses of save Cookie collection, give cookies, eat cookies, sharings Cookies, talk with cookies, talk about cookies, eat cookies, what is gluten intolerant Hillary not-Cookie have? Her just have her not be able to eat cookies.

There is not possible for this nasty peoples to become Presidents. Cookie Monster will become Presidents, President Cookie the Firstests.

Then all peoples in nice world will have millions of nice cookies whether them want it or not wants.

Noam Chomsky was unimpressed by this radical and charismatic political manifesto from a notable public figure.

I couldn't make head or tail of that tedious, emotive, rhetorical, ungrammatical, semantically vexatious rant.

So, I'm going to stick with analyzing the comments of mainstream politicians like Jeb Bush or Richard Nixon.

Because at least, as with my best frenemy Michel Foucault, what they're saying makes at least SOME KIND of sense.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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