The Virtue Agency - Manhattan

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

image for The Virtue Agency - Manhattan
The Ultimate Chaperone?

(Derived from the book "Travels with Li Po"...copyrighted)

A new agency has opened up in Manhattan, New York. Called THE VIRTUE AGENCY.. it deals with... yes, you guessed it... the marketing of virtue.

Our reporter from "Lights Out", visited the towering skyscraper that is the agency's new home. It has a workforce of over a hundred and has plans for offices throughout the world. Unconfirmed reports say that it is the brainchild of a publishing agent from London who was behind the Harry Potter series.

It really is a New World Order enterprise with a global reach and a global market.

"We discerned a market for clean-cut people willing to do clean-cut services for clean-cut clients. It's as simple as that. It is something of a rarity these days to find somebody one can trust, but they do exist." explained Managing Director Mr. Hay Yuthere in an 'upmarket' English accent.

Youthere went on to tell our reporter how many foreign businessmen do not want busty chaperones with loose morals and dodgy pasts; but good living women and men of proven high moral standards to accompany them to dinner, business meetings and conferences. Many of these men are very rich and happily married. Their goal is business; and a refined lady or gentleman of authentic moral pedigree they would find very useful. They are, explained the manager, "tired of ducking and diving in embarrassing company and having to explain themselves to their wives and families when an unfortunate photo appears in the papers or television back home. Such incidents have ruined lives and careers. Now, they have nothing to fear because The Virtue Agency is above reproach, period. If you hire one of our "Akolytes" you get the real deal."
"That is the name we have given our charges. An Acolyte is one who attends a devout ceremony or occasion as a helper or co-celebrant. We have just tweaked the spelling, that's all," he went on. "We have many people on our books who were once priests and nuns and even monks. They have returned to civvy life but have not abandoned their religious ways. Many are still celibate and still attend religious services but need to pay the bills like the rest of us. These people are worth their weight in gold. We hire them out to male and female clients who have important engagements to attend."

Japanese gentlemen in particular explained Mr. Yuthere admire and respect moral integrity, honesty, self-respect etc, qualities that are fast disappearing in the workplace in general. They like to be in the company of gentlemen or ladies of quality and breeding who once held an office of some dignity in a church perhaps, or a hospital or college.

Our reporter found much of this hard to take but he recorded everything regardless.

"The need is there most definitely and so is the market. Virgins, real virgins, especially in the twenty to thirty bracket are priceless. Muslims, in particular, prefer them," said Yuthere.
"But how can you tell if a person is honest, or without a past and so on?"
"We do many stringent tests involving deep hypnosis and truth testing. Our psychological profiling is very thorough indeed, conducted by qualified doctors and psychiatrists. If a prospective applicant is lying we can sue under the Fair Trading Act,... faulty goods you could say. Few are willing to take the risk."

Our reporter came to the conclusion that capitalism has at last reached it apogee. Soul is a commodity like anything is. EVERYTHING is finally for sale. Heaven help us all.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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