If you spot one of the following signs you need to have a long talk with your partner. If you spot more than two you should pack your things immediately and take a long holiday. If you spot all ten, and are still alive and living with your partner, you should seek urgent, psychiatric help.
1."Shouts of "Stop it! Stop it!" coming from your bedroom. And when you open the door you find her reading a book in bed.
2. She stays out until dawn three times a week especially weekends and tells you her friends wanted her to stay over but she just "had to come home to you".
3. A naked man in your wardrobe who tries to tell you that you are on drugs and having a bad trip. "I am not really here. It is all in your head, dude."
4. You can never seem to find the key to your front door and must knock or shout up at the window for your partner to let you in.
5. Bite marks on her neck and other parts of her body. "I'm always bumping into things these days," she explains with a laugh.
6. You start having very strange dreams in most of which you grow donkey's ears.
7. She can't look at you without crying but blames her emotional reaction on the tele. "Will this rain never, ever, ever go away or are we going to be pissed on forever?" she weeps as she gazes at the weather forecast and dabs her eyes with a tissue.
8. When you ask her to marry you she says... "But you don't really know me. You only think you do, George...er... I mean James."
9. She seems to have more girlfriends than usual, whom you never saw before, and who visit the house regularly and always stop talking as soon as you enter the room.
10. Your workmates burst out laughing every morning when you arrive for work and stare at their shoes when they have to talk to you.
