Morely Unsafer: Welcome back to 42-and-a-half minutes. Vladimir Putin's annexation of Crimea has drawn international outrage. Rudy Giuliani calls him a "true leader"-what is he smoking?-but pretty much everyone else is pissed. Our next guest is Russia expert and addiction counselor Vasily Strokinoff.
Usafer: Mr. Strokinoff, what is Vladimir Putin's problem?
Strokinoff: Putin is an addict-he needs to keep invading bigger and bigger territories in order to get a buzz. He will not stop until he has destroyed his own life and those of millions of others!
Unsafer: Let's say you're right-What can anybody do?
Strokinoff: I recommend an intervention.
Unsafer: A military intervention?
Strokinoff: Yes, by his closest enemies. He needs to be put in a 12-step pogrom-I mean program.
Unsafer: 12 steps? Like AA?
Strokinoff: TA. Tyrants Anonymous. He could start the first group.
Unsafer: Let's say Putin checks into rehab-would he really be able to change?
Strokinoff: First, he must admit he cannot control his lust for power or for being photographed wearing no shirt. Then, we have to make him believe that only a power greater than himself can restore him to sanity.
Unsafer: A greater power? You mean God?
Strokinoff: I mean the United States of America.
Unsafer: USA! USA!
Strokinoff: He also must confess his wrongs to another human being. I recommend the Pope, Angela Merkel, or one of the members of Pussy Riot. Then he must make a list of all those he has harmed and make amends to them all.
Unsafer: That's a lot of amends!
Strokinoff: Finally, having had a spiritual awakening, he must carry the message to power-mad tyrants everywhere.
Unsafer: Like Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe, or Kim Jong Il in North Korea!
Strokinoff: Yeah, and don't forget Chris Christie.
Unsafer: That's all the time we have left on 42-and-a-half mintues. Good night.
