Professor Quits Job To Open Brothel In Nevada

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Saturday, 28 December 2013


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This is a rush transcript. Copy may not be in its final form.

AMY GOODMAN: Here today with me is Professor Hugh Hurrong who has just resigned from the University of Houston to open a brothel in Nevada. Professor, why did you resign from your position at the university?

HUGH HURRONG: Well, Amy, in my role as a Professor of Finance I defended Wall Street, Big Banks, Hedge Funds, commodities speculation, and so on before Congressional Committees, in newspaper articles. In return, I was a highly paid consultant for Bernie Madoff, Bank of America, JP Morgan Chase. All of the banksters, and the big oil companies in particular, gave big bucks to a Foundation set up at Houston and I was tops on their payroll.

AMY GOODMAN: So, Hugh, you're saying that you reaped great financial rewards for defending big corporations and banks, commodity speculators who caused the Crash and Great Recession of 2008?

HUGH HURRONG: Yeah, I was extolling the virtues of financially unsound assets and horrible trading practices. I did things like defend speculation in foods, cotton, gas and heating oils.

AMY GOODMAN: But what's wrong with that Professor?

HUGH HURRONG: Well, Wall Street and commodity traders, hedge funds put billions into financial instruments that are really worthless 'cause they don't reflect the true value of houses, commodities like oil, so the market becomes unstable. The speculation raises prices for everything. So Wall Street executives make millions a year and the rest of America gets it up the......

AMY GOODMAN: So what you're saying is that the price for food, clothing, housing, heating oil, gas and so on gets inflated.

HUGH HURRONG: That's right. Prices for things everyone needs get highly inflated. Real income for ordinary people goes down, but the rich get richer. But, see Army, there's all of this instability built into the system. There's no real value in the paper related actual goods, so a sudden drop in prices, for example, causes a stock market crash. The bubble bursts.

AMY GOODMAN: We've had guests on before who call this a "casino economy."

HUGH HURRONG: Sure. Wall Street is just one big gambling operation. Bankers take money, literally from widows and orphans in pension funds, and gamble on prices they pay for food and gas. The speculation, as I say, drives the prices up and the widows and orphans get poorer. Then the crash comes and we all get hurt.

AMY GOODMAN: But not Wall Street, not the Big Banks!

HUGH HURRONG: No, they're too big to fail! Wall Street gets bailed out and Main Street gets nothing! I can't be part of that anymore. That's why I'm going to set up a brothel outside Vegas. Sex work is legal there and the workers' safety is protected as well as their health with regular medical supervision.

AMY GOODMAN: You make it sound like sexual prostitution if preferable to being involved with Corporate America!

HUGH HURRONG: And, as well, preferable to being one of the real whores, teaching at a university who is controlled by them.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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