The New Atomic Bomb called "Cuddles"

Written by Auntie Matter

Friday, 9 August 2013

image for The New Atomic Bomb called "Cuddles"

"Cuddles" they call it... the new bomb developed by NUKEM a pan American-European nuclear research station based near Berne in Switzerland. Yesterday, the United Nations voted for its use "should the situation demand it". "Global-I" talked to managing director of NUKEM, and Nobel Prize winning physicist, Dr. Kant Getiton.

"Can you describe what Cuddles actually is? How does it differ from other nuclear bombs?"

Dr. Kant, an elderly man in his sixties puffed on a cigar and leaned back in his chair the light from a window behind him gleaming on the dome of his large, bald head.

"Well, Cuddles has been years in the making. We began the project just after the iron curtain came down in 1991. She is the mother of all bombs, you could say."

"I thought that was the last one."

"No. This one really is. Cuddles is the real deal, take my word for it."

"And why have you developed it?"

"It is part of the New World Order. That is basically what the UN resolution is about. The UN has warned nations like Pakistan, China and North Korea and others to behave or they will get to meet Cuddles. It gives the UN serious clout in diplomatic relations which it desperately needs."

"Will it be used, do you think?"

"Well, we hope.... I mean... er scientists... are not quite sure of the effects of Cuddles. Tests have been done.. but... this plutonium derivative has properties we do not quite understand... as yet."

"Not sure of the effects?"

"No. We anticipate ... I mean... er... it is not impossible that a new strain of unknown diseases might result from bio-thermoculear effects hitherto unknown. We are, naturally, hoping they are not transmissible and that the explosion itself can be contained. Cigar?"

"No thanks. But.... I don't understand..."

"Don't you read your history? As with Hiroshima and Nagasaki... we anticipate... er, I mean, it may be that zillions of dollars over many, many, many years will have to be devoted to researching into the effects of these different types of new radiations on the biosphere and human beings, of course. The European Union and other nations of the world will pool their resources so that we can get this vital knowledge."

"But why?"

"It will be of great benefit to mankind."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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