Clean Limericks For Good Christians

Funny story written by Brett Taylor

Wednesday, 20 February 2013


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The Reverend E.P. Freedmore here. From First Methodist, but we welcome Presbyterians, and shoot, just about anybody. Baptists, even. Ha ha, that's a joke.

You know, humor's not bad. I like it, once in a while. So it's okay to tell a joke now and then, especially if it demonstrates a good Christian moral.

You know a lot of people like limericks. But some of 'em are filthy. Let's see an example.

There was a young nun from Siberia,
Endowed with a virgin interior,
Until an old monk,
Jumped into her bunk,
And now she's the Mother Superior.

Oh my, that nun certainly was naughty, wasn't she? Catholics are bad people.

Let's try a nursery rhyme:

Mary had a little lamb,
A giraffe and zebra too,
By the time she'd finished,
She'd fucked the whole damn zoo.

I kind of like that one! But we can't have filth all day, can we? The Lord wouldn't like that. So let's be fun, but let's do it the Christian way. Do you think Jesus told limericks? To the apostles, around the campfire? Maybe he did. The Bible doesn't say limericks are bad.

Try some of these clean limericks:

There once was a lady from Tennessee
Whose vagina was big as could be.
But she never had sex
And now she's in heaven, with Jesus!

Wasn't that nice? So much fun! And clean too! Even the word vagina is clean! Did you know that? It's true, it's a scientific word. Just don't use it in public. Use it in private, with your married partner, where the kids can't hear. It's okay to use words like vagina and penis, as long as they're used strictly for procreation.

A randy marsupial named Reeves
Spent time with the ladies on their knees
Even though he was an animal
The Lord sent him straight to Hell anyway!

Ho ho! Pretty wacky. Isn't that what the rappers say? It's wacky.

Hickory dickory dock
A girl was sucking my dock.
So the Lord smote her dead. (Deuteronomy 26:7:1)

Oops, that one was sort of dirty, wasn't it? But it had a good message. You never know what the Lord will do. He works in mysterious ways!

Next time your friends tell a dirty joke, don't get mad at them. Just be polite and point them in the right direction. Tell them a good clean limerick. Next week we'll try clean puns.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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