Dear Sirs,
I read the Magazine article "Situations vacant. Typical British family wanted" by Mr Clive Danton and was quite horrified, how on earth did he know I am a junkie and my 14 year old daughter is a crack hoe with two children from different fathers? He hacked our mobile phones. If this article is not removed I will contact ITV4 and inform them we are not doing the programme.
Yours Faithfully
David Cameroon
Westminster
Dear Spoof,
My wife and I are horrified that Mr Skoob1999 would assume that everyone in Britain eats a fry up before starting their day. In his article; "Britain's braced for bacon shortage" he clearly has not thought about the insult to vegetarians. We are not vegetarian, but if we were, we would be offended.
Mr Matterson
Pork Farm Pies Ltd
Oswestry
Dear Mr Lowton,
I understand that you are the Managing Director of the Spoof. I am writing with regard to some of the names your writers have adopted. Little is known of my religion but I hope to enlighten you and in the process, give credence to my complaint. The name "Jaggedone" is the term we use for the sacrificial slaughter of a goldfish. Likewise, an "Inchcock" is the priest that circumcises a toad before the "Heeke" ceremony. Can you see what I am getting at? While I do not expect you to know about this clash of cultures, I hope you will, after reading this, ask your writers to change their names.
With Thanks
His Holiness
Brother Haematoid
Holy order of Dunders
Penge
Dear Sir/Madam
I caught our Cyril reading the stories on your site, ooh I gave him a right good spanking. What sort of depraved mind writes about women's bits, that Jean Le Fete ort to be strung up, and the pictures! Ooh, I nearly fainted, how could you let a man of 92yrs old look at such stuff like that? You should be shot.
Mrs Dangle
Burnham on Crouch
