My Senior Moments: W/E: 14th July 2012

Funny story written by Inchcock

Monday, 16 July 2012

image for My Senior Moments: W/E: 14th July 2012
Hard to believe I know - but I am still waiting for my first win on the Lottery!

Monday 9th July 2012

* Still the knees are bothersome, but I got some good sleep in for once.

* Noticed that two burglar alarm lights on adjoining houses opposite were flashing on the street when I opened the windows about 0330hrs, the rain was falling (well, belting down!), and a new collection of crushed beer cans were scattered over the street outside - so, nothing unusual there!

* Popped over to drool over Margaret, and took laptop to update her page on me blog. Photo's of Margaret can be found here: if anyone is interested in beauty, poise, and magnetism. Margaret's photograoh page

* Went for walk to Asda to get some bread, and lottery tickets for me and Margaret. Forgot to get the lottery tickets.

* Called in Launderette to see how much it would cost to have me raincoat dry-cleaned... £8.99, the coat only cost a quid more! (Mind you that was a while ago)

* Asda, are giving away free gifts with their Hyson Green store made wholemeal sliced loaves, I bought one and when I got home and used it, some of the slices had sultanas embedded in them! Now Lidl wouldn't give stuff away like that!

* Listening to the radio, and it went off? Checked the plugs etc - then realised the lights were off too, a power-cut! Looked out of window, and saw lights on in the houses opposite... has my electrics gone down? Went out and looked, it seemed only my side of the street had no lights showing.

Got torch and tried to read some of Antony Beevor's Berlin - The Downfall. Batteries died within minutes. Then the blind search was on for me wind-up torch! A stubbed toe and banged elbow later, I gave up the search.

Tuesday 10th July 2012

* Up late around 0400hrs, power back on, and there at me side next to the radio was me wind-up torch!

* Got ready for the visit for the Warfarin INR level blood tests, remembering to take some goodies for the girls at the haematology dept.

* Set off in good time, but it was slow going as the knees were really bad this morning. Still, I pressed on.

* Passing a Lidl store just off Ilkeston Road, I popped in to see if they had any of the Red Label tea bags that my local store had stopped stocking, cause they are tasty and cheapish. Surprisingly they had some in stock, so I bought some... and was not overcharged!

The standard unhappy Lidl staff in attendance.

* Pressed on down passing the college, and noticed some good parking along Triumph Road.

In front of the double-yellow line parked Johnson's lorry, was another builders year van, but that had a rather large bullish and aggressive looking driver who offered me a stare that said: "You 'effin' dare!" as he glanced in my direction - so being a coward of the highest order, I declined to take a photo of his vehicle.

Further along the road, I noticed this transit parked with his rear wheel on the kerb, with just the side moulding supporting it, very clever stuff I thought.

* Arriving at the QMC, as I turned the corner into the premises, I was greeted by a haze of cigarette smoke from the staff outside having a break, chat and cough! Bless em!

* Got the bus into town, took a photo of the west end arcade frontage at Upper Parliament Street end, it's still blocked of, because the escalator that tore a bloke toe off is still closed. How the few poor devils trading are managing, I just don't know.

* Passing Victoria Shopping Centre, I noticed the Nottingham police regulation removal of shop lifters to the more familiar sights of the Central police station cells.

* Walked home from town, taking a few photo's on Mansfield Road of even more shops closed down, another indication of gloom for Nottingham.

* I called in at the chemists while passing, explaining to the pretty young thing that greeted me, "Hello, I know my prescription should not be ready until after 1600hrs, I was told yesterday, but as I was passing (at about 1115hrs), but I thought in case they were ready early, I'd pick them up, because I am so tired, I'm sure I'll fall asleep when I get home!

She looked and asked the male chappie, who came to me, and asked if I had a problem. I told him, "Hello, I know my prescription should not be ready until after 1600hrs, I was told yesterday, but as I was passing I thought in case they were ready early, I'd pick them up, because I am so tired, I'm sure I'll fall asleep when I get home!

He went back, and the Georgeous Chinese female assistant came to me: Asking if I had ran out of any medications, I told her: "Hello, I know my prescription should not be ready until after 1600hrs, I was told yesterday, but as I was passing, but I thought in case they were ready early, I'd pick them up, because I am so tired, I'm sure I'll fall asleep when I get home!

She said "They ready Two days!" (At least I thought she said that)

I left confused.

* On the way home avoiding the dog poo, it came to me that she probably said, 'They'll be ready Tuesday!' I must have misheard.

Ain't life complicated?

* Margaret was still at Stu's when I passed by on the way home, so I dropped of some Turkey Ragout, and a bar of Nougat I had for her, and had a chat with them both for a couple of minutes. My being an uneducated and rather unrefined personage, my pronunciations were corrected. I'd never heard of Turkey Ragout before I saw the tin on sale cheap - and called it Rag Out, not Ragoo. And my Nuggit should have been newgar. You live and learn!

* When I got in, I decided to update this article. Leaving the hearing aids in, I listened to the radio as I did. The phone rang, and I answered it: "Hello.... hello, can I help you... hello, Hello...HELLO?

What a twit I felt as I realised the ringing was coming from the radio!

* Appeal for help: Picture of Radio on this page

Can anyone please help me out with a little (big) problem regarding me Bush dab Radio please?

I've lost me paperwork and details about how it actually works!

I've forgot how to work the preset stations.

I've got the alarm on, so have to remember to turn everything off and unplug it, else at 0100hrs the alarm (loud too) scares me to death and annoys the neighbours as it blast out!

I've no idea how I turned it on in the first place or how to turn it off!

I've searched the web in hopes of finding out the answers, but only found selling sites.

No idea of the model, the the photo above is of it.

Anyone got one who knows and is willing to advise me Please?

Wednesday 11th July 2012

* Better nights kip, angina okay, but knees still bad.

* Put some bacon in oven.

* Fell asleep again.

* Took burnt bacon out of oven.

* Went over to see Stewart, but he was out.

* Set off to walk to Bulwell for cheap nosh, but knees so bad, decided to catch the bus. As I changed direction, I remembered about fetching the prescriptions, so called at Chemist.

* I as greeted with the 'Bless the poor old fart look' again. They told me it was Thursday PM that my medications would be ready. Once again, I was confused.

*Arrived in Bulwell, called in the cheap out of date food store, and got antiseptic disinfectant, Orange cream biscuits at 4 for a quid, and bleach.

*As I turned into Bulwell market, I was greeted by the rounded plump rear-end of a bent over lassie, swearing, smoking, and talking to her kid in the pram - thus revealing a relatively large part of her lower regions... very low regions above her jeans, displaying the tattooed words just above her bottie... and in nice Gothic type lettering: "Just you dare!" - 'As if I would' I thought. Thankfully, I resisted the temptation to get out my camera. Never seen anything like it in my life... the lettering on the tattoo I mean!

* Went into B&M to see if they had got any Goulash, cheap Crips, or cheapo kitchen towels back in stock, they hadn't.

* To the bus station, and home, calling in to see Stew on the way. Gave him a packet of biscuits, he seemed well.

* Got me results of INR tests through post, far too low! So now I've got to attend the clinic more often, and change me dosages of Warfarin. Oh... life is hectic innit... I'll put the kettle on.

* Remembered about lottery tickets for me and Margaret, hobbled to shop and got some NHS lottery tickets instead this week.

* Came home, made some bacon and sauce sandwiches, and searched for me wind-up torch that I know I had last night. Gave up.

* Made me cuppa, laptop on, and sat down - finding me wind-up torch as I did.

Thursday 12th July 2012

* * Up, to the WC, did a bit on me blog (Billy Fury page, added links to many songs).

* Made some bacon and beans for Margaret, took em over with some Hobnobs with choc cookies to Stewart's. Margaret was busy sorting out things with the benefits dep't on the phone for Stew. Had a chinwag, then called back home again due to call of nature knocking, good job I did, I'd left the heater on in the bathroom from 4 hours earlier.

* Set off on me walk to City centre - No rain! Sunshine! By jimminee it brought the scantily clad shapley, longed for young lassies out! (Sorry, I'll steady meself... that's better)

* Called in at dry cleaner shop to see if they could clean me raincoat cheaper than £8.99... but the queue was phenomenal. Hobbled on (knees bad again), went into Broad Marsh Shopping centre, came out of Broad Marsh Shopping centre. Purchased a £1 cob at Greggs, then wandered into BHS store, where I found they had on sale, British Hessian footwear, made in Afghanistan on sale? Looked at some trousers... £24 a pair, left the shop.

* Hobbled to Primark, but they did not have my size in any trousers, but did in some cheap jeans, so I got a pair at £6. (I don't mind paying for quality!)

* Walked to the bus stop, very difficult with all the young flesh flashing by tantalisingly!

* Got off a stop early, and went into chemist I remembered they said last time the prescriptions wouldn't ready until 1600hrs, and it was only 1345hrs - but seeing all the nubile bodies around in the sunshine... sorry. I enjoyed seeing the Chinese girl smile, it's so sweet! Will call back in the morning.

* Oh, I got some 'none-slip' coat-hangers as well from Primark, I'll have to get some clothes to hang on 'em in a bit.

Friday 13th July 2012

* I got up, Spoof still down, did blog work.

* Shaved, sh... WC'd, and a good carbolicalisation, and went over to see Stew and Margaret.

* Went to shop with em, picking up me prescriptions on the way.

Saturday 14th July 2012

* * Spoof Still Down!

* Made some curry and took it over for Margaret. Stew was in good form.

* Hobbled into town (actually the knees were not so bad today hurrah!)

* Took the photo's on the way to 99p shop in Broad Marsh Centre. A bit sad the shops closing all over the City.

* Behind the Council House on the corner were a couple of buskers playing with fire - a rope of the floor as a safety device - and outside the door of the bank! Their pot was getting plenty of donations and applause from the gullible Nottingham crowds, and dirty stares from the not so gullible Nottingham Big Issue Sellers!

* Meandered down Wheeler gate, where I noticed many shops abandoned, took some shots of them, including the old Virgin Record Shop, noticing on the window the Council had advertised that were asking only £320,000 a year rent!

* So many people outside the cafés drinking their £2.95 cups of whatever it was, cappuccino or something.

* I noticed one woman, using her mobile phone as she walked straight into the path of a tram - that sounded it's loud horn, and she just carried on talking on the phone as she indicated her displeasure with a finger from her free hand to the driver!

* Got into Broad Marsh Centre, and the closed retail units were rife, took a few photo's of those near the entry doors, including a department store that changed hands a few time, but all the retailers failed to make it pay. The market stall in the aisles have nearly all gone now, just a few left - where I'm going to get me cheap Long Johns from now I don't know!

* In the 99p shop, got some treats to take for Margaret, and the Haematology nurses next Tuesday at me blood test. At the checkout, I unfortunately had an involuntary escape of wind from the anus - they're getting more lethal lately - still it cleared my path to gettting served quicker on this occasion.

* Becoming a regular David Bailey nowadays.

* The police presence I thought was a bit lacking today, then realised that the Government has taken 288 of them away to help police the Olympics in London!

* Went into Stead & Simpson's shoe shop in the Broad Marsh Centre - saw the prices and came out in a hurry.

* Noted that the Wimpey food place, was selling Beefburger and chips on Special Offer at £5.99... special offer? £5.99 - God I must have been living a sheltered life... £5.99?

* Got the bus back to the hovel.

* Just made to the loo in time!

* Got letter from GP informing me I needed to make appointment for CHD health check with the nurse at the surgery ASAP. I'll look CHD up in a bit.

* Tried to load The Spoof again - No go! Mark the owner of the site must be having problems of a severe nature... I understand the O2 network went down as well yesterday!

* Been sneezing since I got back from shopping .

* CHD = Coronary Heart Disease, or Congenital Heart Defects! well I've both I suppose.

Sunday 15th July 2012

* * The knees a little painful again, angina not bad at all, hernia bearable, wind chronic again, no dizzy spells today, and fingers good!

* Did me ablutions and went over to see Stewart and Margaret, taking some gammon, cheesey potatoes and peas for Margaret, who informs me that we had not won on the lottery - can't understand why? Had a chat and passed wind (Red face develops).

* Had a walk to Asda, got some instant potatoes, tin of Asda Smartprice Spaghetti bolognese, garden peas, tin tom's 3 for a quid, and got through the check-out without passing wind.

The Spaghetti bolognese was very nice!

* Walked back via the Forest, it was nice to see the kids playfully belting hell our of each other, chasing pigeons, swearing, and having a fag on the fields, as the cars belted by kindly offering anyone within half-a-mile the opportunity to listen to their personal choice of monotonous 'Dum-dum' music to listen to.

* Noticed the burglar alarm was activating at the nursery on Mansfield Road, no signs of intruders or police.

* Got home, made some potatoes to have with the bolognese, made a cuppa, and fell asleep.

* Woke up after a few hours, then tried to get the Spoof on the web - but it was still down for maintenance.

* Found an amazing doctored photo of Nottingham on the web. Cleverly superimposing an old photo of the same area on a new photo. Brilliant! I've put in on me Nottingham photo blog with memories it brings, and it does have a lot of memories of me!

* Had a read of Antony Beevors 'Stalingrad' book before turning-in.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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