Written by Bureau

Friday, 9 March 2012

image for Elvis Comes To Goosey Holler, Kentucky (Bluegrass #6)
Elvis Caught In Concrete

Ralph was just opening up his concrete garden ornaments business after running to the bank to see if his Crazy Check had been automatically deposited when his buddy Melvin come by.

"Ralph, you thank that President Orbama person will let old Raw Pand cut our Crazy Checks?"

"Naw. This years a votin year. No one gonna mess with our Crazy Checks till the votins over."

"Well, I brung you a nickel bag. That's the last I owe you on them Snow White & Dwarfs. Alice wants me to dump 'em. The birds have had their way with most of them. She really IS Snow White about the shoulders and the top of her head. Alice done named one dwarf "Shitty"."

"Got a surprise for you, Melvin. Come look inside the garage. I'm just finishing up."

"A-weell, would you looka there...at least a dozen Elvises."

"He's got a lot of fans. I plan to go see him myself someday. He was on TV last night."

"Ralph, you can't go see Elvis. He's dead!"

"Dead? I didn't know he was sick."

"Tarnation! He died back in the 19-ought-70's."

"Guess he made that movie before he died."

"Why are all them statues got purple feet?"

"What do you mean purple? Those are his blue swade shoes. Thought that would make em more real-like."

"What color's my shirt, Ralph?"


"Dang if you ain't color blind."

"What does you mean color blind? And what's my dang got to do with it?"

"Colored blind people see purple like blue or some do. I heared it on Dr. Oz!"

"Well, help me pick out some paint the right color. I need to repaint these shoes. You know sumpin' Melvin. I bet if I play my colors right, they'll increase my Crazy Check! Let's paint 'em green!"

"Might! Hester Anne's old man pretends he's blind. Course, if I had Hester Anne fer a wife, I'd be better off blind. Foster even drives a car with what he calls radar. Got two white sticks on the front like a longhorn bull. That Orbama don't check too close. I gonna vote fer him again."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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