The Haunting of Goosey Holler, Kentucky (Bluegrass #5)

Written by Bureau

Thursday, 1 March 2012

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(Pete's Country Store, 1938)

Jim Lindsey is having a soda pop at Pete's Country Store and there's been an argument over who was winning the checker game when it accidentally got knocked onto the floor.

"Billy Joe knew he had lost so he dumped our checkers."

"I know. He's known to do that. He also claims he's not feared of any man alive. You heard him."

"I had six men and two kings and Billy Joe had two men left and they waz pinned."

"Yep, not a-feared of any man alive. That's what he said, alright."

"What are you hinting at Pete?"

"Wail. I was jest wonderin' if he was afeared of any man DEAD!"

"Hee Hee. You know, he does have to walk home everyday after work and it gets dark early now it's winter. Wonder what he'd do if a haint rose up from behind one tome stone wearin a sheet?"

"Might be a good trick. Might even seddle the score with the overturned checker board."

So they keep talking about it until Jim suddenly says "I'm gonna do it. Scare the livin crap out of him. Tomorrow night, you see if he's runnin past yore house, you tell me the next mornin, Pete!"

So Jim gets a white sheet and hides behind a tombstone in the near dark waiting for Billy Joe to come home after work.

However, Pete has closed the store early, got him a white sheet and placed himself directly behind another stone, behind Jim.

Just as soon as Billy Joe comes by, a sheet-covered Jim jumps up and "Ooooooooooohhhhh!" This is followed by a loud scream from Jim and another one from Billy Joe as he takes flight down the road towards home, just a gettin' it.

Jim starts to laugh when he hears "OOOOooooooohhh!" and a loud scream right behind him in the graveyard.

Now there's two running down the road screaming at the top of their lungs. Jim is gaining on Billy Joe when he snags his sheet on a big stack of boards that once was a barn, knocking Jim sideways and a hornet's nest off the pile.

Billy Joe finally can't breath so he sits down and Jim runs over and sits across from him, sheet back over his head, also breathing hard.

"Puff....puff....Hell of a run wasn't it?"

"Puff puff! Yes it waz......and we gonna run some more just soon as I catch my breath! ...Puff! Puff!... DOGGONE IT! That's you, Jim Lindsey, I'd knowed them old boots anywhar!"

"OK! OK! But you shoulda seen whut I saw back at that graveyard!"

At this time, there's another loud scream behind them with a white ghost running like the devil himself, and both men take off like a streak of lightning.

Next day at the store, Pete's wife Sally is behind the counter as Billy Joe cheats Jim at checkers.

"Jim, I admit I turned that checker board over yesterday. I've turned honest. No more cheatin!"

"Then how come you still got 12 red checkers on the board and I already jumped the five here in my hand? King me...and I'm taking five of yore red checkers off the board and don't you get anymore outa yore pocket! Hey Sally, where's Pete?"

"Home in bed after the doc came and seen to him. He near got stung to death last night by hornets. Says he tried to fight them off with a sheet. I thank he's talkin outa his noggin...but one of my sheets has gone missing."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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