Mutants Contemplate the Disaster in Japan

Funny story written by Ellie James

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

image for Mutants Contemplate the Disaster in Japan
One of the remote islands where some of the mutants live

Most of the world can't imagine what it's like to live in Japan at the present time. No one, despite their political leanings can't really argue that it is a great human and environmental tragedy. However, there is a small sect of Earth's population that looks at the tragedy with curiosity and even hopefulness.

On remote islands scattered throughout the seas, living in exile, are real like X-Men so to speak. They are the products of other nuclear disasters and bizarre government experiments. While most people in the world see movies like X-Men, Spiderman and Iron Man as fiction, there are a few who know differently.

While none of the mutants were comfortable to sit down and talk to us on record, we were able to convince a few of these creatures to talk to us off the record. They admitted that they are still saddened for the loss of human life though they don't interact with humans on a daily basis. They do wonder what the tragedy will mean for them, and other nuclear mutated creatures. Will more of them be born from the disaster? If so, what will they be like? Will they adapt to their new life with more grace and style that they ones who came before them? Will the new mutants like Green Day or be prone to listen to Mumford and Sons? Or will they be partial to southern rock and listen to The Mother Truckers?

Looking around the room of misfits and mutants, there is a man with webbed feet and gills. If you read the Aquaman comics, you would think that this is the real life Aquaman. He calls himself La Rana Grande. "I know I have gills, but El Gran Pescado doesn't have the same ring to it," he says.

There is also the real life Spiderman. He dresses in jeans and white t-shirt. He looks kind of like Justin Timberlake, but when you see him scale a wall with his hands and feet, you know that he can do more than bring sexy back. "A lot of people think I was bitten by a radioactive spider. That's not true. I was injected with radioactive spider venom after World War II. Who does this to someone who couldn't be a code breaker for the Army? They thought the venom would make me a better reader. Turns out, I'm dyslexic. Spider venom won't cure that!"

A few others come into the room while I'm there. There is what looks like Plastic Mac. It's as if the entire League of Justice lives on this island.

All of these mutant creatures were once allowed to roam the Earth at will. But then someone at Marvel comics, who had a cousin who worked in a top secret nuclear facility close to Rosewell, New Mexico, began to draw these mutant people as super heroes. Fearing the creatures would case panic, doctors and scientists from around the globe banished them to remote islands where they currently inhabit.

The ones I'm visiting live in a compound and each has their own bedroom. Even Iron Man has a decked out room filled with inexpensive Swedish furniture from IKEA. There is a swimming pool, a bowling alley, some HD TVs and a business center with high speed internet. They have i-pods, and some have formed a band. They are very well read, and become quite passionate when discussing whether they are on Team Edward or Team Jacob. Spiderman and one of the Wonder Twins are on Team Edward. The other Wonder Twin is on Team Jacob.

It was in the TV room where they learned of the tragedy in Japan. Their inboxes were full of messages from their scientist creators and caretakers about what this might mean. They prepared them for the possibility of getting new roommates in the coming years.

A very solemn looking mutant lady who can move like the speed of sound and can refract light shakes her head and wonders out loud, to no one in particular, "When will they learn? When will they learn to stop fucking around with science they don't really understand or can contain once it's loose? People are so arrogant!"

Only time can tell how the people of Japan will cope with the disaster. Only time can tell how it will affect the fish and other sea creatures. We won't know the full scope of the disaster for many years to come as pockets of cancer will most likely creep up within the Japanese population. Just like the mutants on that island, all we can do is watch and wait to see what will happen.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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