Written by Bureau

Friday, 4 March 2011

image for Kirstie Alley Still Losing Weight But Suffering Horrible Side-Effects

Although she has now lost over 40 pounds, actress Kirstie Alley says that the new pills that are really taking off her weight has some serious side-effects, she is determined to stay on them until she gets down to an even 200.

Also Alley refuses to come out of her house until she is down to 200, but she has given her friends permission to talk with us.

"Sally has lost a lot of weight alright", but the only side-effect I know of is that she sometimes talks to Archie Bunker in her sleep."

Kirstie Alley talks in her sleep. Got that.

"Kirstie Alley? No, I'm a friend of Sally Struthers! She's down to 210 as of last week."

Wrong house I guess. Or maybe Kirstie gave reporters porky Sally Struthers address on purpose.

Number two was a hit though.

"Kirstie would tell you about her great news in person but they have side effects so she will tell you later", stated Oprah Slashitski. "She now has a handlebar mustache and there is hair now growing out her nipples. She has two different voices, one like Justin Bieber and another like P-P-Porky P-Pig. She really hates the second one because, if it's one thing she doesn't need, it is a pig's voice."

And she doesn't like the Justin Bieber one either?

"Well, her two hit songs helped her pay for the pills and treatment so she hopes to keep it for the near future."

With that, the lady got a call and told us that she has nothing else to say.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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