Political Correctness in Football - Chapter 25

Funny story written by grimbo

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Continuing our look at the ever increasing world of political correctness and the many ways in which accepted soccer speak breaks the rules.

".... made a monkey out of him"

This expression used to be perfectly o.k. but over the years has more and more become a target for the anti-racism lobby. Accordiingly, a previously unheard of suggestion is to be made, namely, . the use of one of the many dreaded Atkoisms that permeate the game. In this case, "...beat him for fun" may be regarded as permissible in the interests of maintaining a politically correct stance.

"Packie/Paddy Bonnar"

Definitely a major no-no (on two counts) as such nicknames pay a disservice to our ethnic and Celtic brothers. "Patrick" is the only acceptable alternative apart of course from the equally accurate "slippy fingers".

"By Golly, Glasgow Rangers/Glasgow Celtic are running away with it again"

An oft-repeated, innocently intended utterance at this time of the season - every season unfortunately - but all the same a non-starter. In these all-too-sensitive times, the expletive "For Christ Sake, the Huns/Bhoys have bought success again" is infinitely more preferable, despite the obvious offence to the rapidly shrinking religious circles in the land.

"He found a chink in the defence"

This again is a no-go area. While the Westernisation of the People's Republic continues at a frightening pace - a branch of Poundstretchers recently opened in Beijing - as far as we are aware the Chinese have so far resisted the lure of the mighty Premier League. The cream of their sporting talent obviously prefer the occasional brush with a centurion tank to a contractual dispute with an all powerful agent.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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