Celtic's Lennon Facing 3 Year Ban

Written by grimbo

Saturday, 5 March 2011


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Glasgow Celtic's manager Neil Lennon is facing a 146 game ban under a controversial new disciplinary procedure introduced by the SFA.

The Irishman has just reluctantly accepted a revised 4 game ban for an offence committed earlier on this season, and now he will automatically be in line to miss a further 2 games after his behaviour during and after Wednesday's Old Firm Scottish Cup replay.

However, because of the Disciplinary Sliding Scale System (DSSS), whereby the severity of managerial bans is determined by the type of fixtures where the offence is committed, Lennon is likely to have an extra 140 games added to his sentence.

From now on, every fixture in the Scottish calendar will be risk assessed and will take into account factors such as the Inflammability Quotient(the likelihood of inciting the crowd by a manager misbehaving)and the Degree of High Stakedness.

So, given the offence occurred at an Old Firm game ( I.Q. Risk Factor One ) and in a Scottish Cup game (H.S. Risk Factor One ), the punishment is exponentially higher than if Lennon had lost the plot at a home League Cup game against Dundee United (I.Q. Risk Factor minus 5 - almost non existent travelling support - and H.S. Risk Factor 0, nobody's interested in this competition).

So the Celtic coach will be dug out challenged until March 2014, assuming he's still in a job by then and not rotting away at Her Majesty's Pleasure after going off on the ultimate touchline tantrum.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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