"O.J. The Musical" Set For Production!

Funny story written by stephen d gross

Friday, 26 November 2010

image for "O.J. The Musical" Set For Production!

Some thirteen years after the trial which captured the World's imagination and held it riveted for months, the entire story has been released as "O.J. The Musical"!

Martin Scorcese's first live theater musical will star Bruce Willis as O.J., Lady Gaga as Nicole Simpson and Woody Allen as Judge Ito. The choice of Clint Eastwood in the role of Kato is as surprising as Paul Reuben's selection as Johnny Cochrane but Scorcese usually knows what he's doing!
With original words and lyrics:

by Stephen D. Gross (copyright 1996)

O.J. Gave Nicole a Warning
(Tune: "Oh, What A Beautiful Morning")

There's a drab yellow haze 'round the courthouse
there's a drab yellow haze 'round the courthouse
I think there's a sty
in the CBS eye
and the media's as high as
Bob's corned beef on rye.....

O.J. gave Nicole a warning
Said that he'd blow her away
O.J. sure ruined Nicole's morning
now in her cold grave Nicole lay

There's a big bloody glove in the alley
Furman says that he found it round noon
Did he bring it himself
like some mischievous elf?
do you think that he'd use it
to nail that poltro-o-o-n?

O.J. gave Nicole a beating
so bad that she called 9-1-1
he says at no cost
would his temper be lost
she really didn't mind
he was just having fun-n-n

"You Gotta Hear Clark"
(Tune: "You Gotta Have Heart")

You gotta hear Clar-r-rk
Prosecutor Marcia Clark
Though F. Lee is saying
"she'll never win"
Her bite is as bad as her bark
Oh you gotta hear Clark

When there's shaky testimony
she can even up the score
Yessir she can be a honey
and she's so hard to ignore
(her quest for truth's cold as Duluth)
You gotta see Clar-r-r-k
don't mean Kent just Marcia Clark
well you think you may need Superman
but she's got a plan so dark
a mystery is Ms. Clark

A boy like that who kill your seester
Don't call him "boy" - just call him meester

"Wouldn't That Be Felony?"
(Tune: "Wouldn't That Be Loverly?")

All I want is to pull some hair
DNA tests then we'll compare
might mean the 'lectric chair
now wouldn't that be felony?
Slashed her throat and he wasn't neat
got a Big Mac began to eat
Kato in the other seat
now wouldn't that be felony?

Al, Al piloting his Bronco down the road
O.J. sitting in the back he might explode

Now he's sitting in a nice warm cell
While Marcia tries her best
to send him to hell
Is something burning, what's that smell?
Now wouldn't that be felony?

"Tryin' To Put OJ Away"
(Tune: "Hernando's Hideaway")

I know a dark occluded face
a face that really has no race
Shapiro has another case
They're tryin' to put
O.J. Away
The evidence has been amassed
the time for trial has come at last
the Browns would like to see him gassed
they're tryin' to put
O.J. away - today!
(The Halls are alive with the sound of lawyers
feeding like sharks as they have for years)

"While We all Go Native"
(Tune: "On the Street Where You Live")

I have often walked 'round this court before
but my clients never made bucks playing sports before
O.J.'s exposed calf, made the jurors laugh
Having fun while we all go native

Marcia's cross-exams, they don't bother me
when I think of all the hams
I'll buy with my fat fee
it's no mystery - ask my friend F. Lee
we've a defense with holes like a seive

And Oh, the powerful feeling
as I dazzle them with legalese
We smile as the jury goes reeling
They just can't keep their eyes
off Marcia's knees

"There's A Case For Us"
(Tune : "There's A Place for Us")

There's a case for us
the court's made space for us
Cross exam and I'm half way there
see that guy wriggling in his chair
He's Cooked
I'm Hooked
I already wrote the bo-o-o-ok!

"Ghost Fullbacks in the Skyway"
(Tune: "Ghost Riders in the Sky")

An old fullback went riding out
one hazy LA day
his Bronco unmolested as he
went along his way
and all at once a mighty crowd yelled
from the overpass
you better get outa town O.J.
they'd love to burn your ass
Well O.J. held a pistol
he was talking suicide
With big Al Cowlings at the wheel
it was a hairy ride
Nine cruisers right behind them
their red lights flashing 'round
the crowds just drank their beer and yelled
O.J. get out of town
Yuppie O.J.
Ghost Fullbacks in the Skyway

"Rosa, Rosa"
(Tune: Daisy, Daisy)

Rosa, Rosa give us your answer true
You've gone home and
we can't get in touch with you
You don't have to be a singer
to tell us 'bout the Blonde Gringa
are you just bored?
did you see the Ford
Senora give us a clue
Rosa, Rosa the Bronco you really saw?
have you had these
hallucinations before?
Senora we're imploring
was he really inside snoring
are you aloof or are you proof
that Latinas are groupies too?

"Resnick, Nicole"
(Tune: Jeepers, Creepers)

Resnick, Nicole
she'd like to see some heads roll
hey Faye Resnick, who you tryin' to cook?
Resnick, O.J. she's having a bad hair day
hey Fay Resnick, why'd you write that book?
(Tune: Brazil)
O Fay - you and Nicole went out to play
you'd snort & dance the night away
O Fay O Fay
O Fay
you greet the sunrise in Elay
are all your chachkes made of clay?
and can you walk across the Bay, O Fay

(Tune: "Just Because" by Lloyd Price)
(from Carmen)

O.J. did you have to run and hide?
We watched you on TV the day you tried
a simple case of double homicide
and now O.J. I fear your ass is fried
The judge and jury went and had a look
you tried to set them straight you wrote a book
but in this game the white queen takes the rook
the curtain's down and now you get the hook
Shapiro tried his best to plead your case
and F. Lee put on his best lawyer face
while Cochran did his best to win his race
O.J. they couldn't slow your fall from grace

"Let That Fullback Go"
(Tune: Go Down Moses)
When Kato lived in OJ land
(let that fullback go)
he slept 'til noon on Rockingham
(let that Fullback go)

Go down Kato, go down in OJ land
tell Judge Ito
to let that Fullback go
the tabloids tried to give him bucks
he's still a slob despite the tux
he heard a pounding on his wall
he feels much safer at the mall
Go down Kato, go down in OJ land
tell Judge Ito to let that fullback go

"Black Knight Blues"
(original tune & lyrics by Stephen D. Gross)

We got a Black Knight in the morning
he's got the Orange County Blues
the White Queen's lost her color
along with her pawn - we got the news
There's red splashed on the sidewalk
must be Jackson Pollock gettin' loose

Well the Bishop came to see him
a lineman name of Rosie Grier
they knelt down and they prayed
the ghost of Red Grange did appear
"Your fuschia's lookin' grim, boy"
I think they just might tan your rear

The gold ring on Miz Brown's finger
she was a blushing bride
but the Astroturf's much greener
grown on the other side

We got
Black Knight in the morning
he's got them Orange County blues
used to be in the pink, boy
now his complexion's gone chartreuse

Memory's gone rusty
must be goin' through a phase
Even orange juice goes bad-
just like cream it has its days
shoulda' stuck with lemonade, girl
his brain's lost in a Purple Haze

I rather be marooned, now
in the Canaries or on Mars
than wake up in this jailhouse
where I can't see the moon and stars
or blue with Cyanosis
Than staring out between these bars

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more