Part 2 Jedi Knight Attack: Into the Ear Canal of Death

Written by Jean Le Fete

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

image for Part 2 Jedi Knight Attack: Into the Ear Canal of Death
Ears to hear

Tattomein- "Go! Not go! Only to be in existence is a waste of space. Must follow to its' conclusion of logical" said Yoga to Luke and Leia Pissgum Skywalker as they fought their way into their starfighter suit and star fighter ship.

"I think someone's gaining a few killipgrims in their posterior side," chided Luke as he struggled with the seat harness."

"Oh shut up!" replied Leia as she pulled down her Nav Computer, "According to this were already there, what's up with that?"

"You're in simulator mode again," replied Luke.

"May the force be with you," said Yoga wistfully.

"Yeah, good luck with that," said Luke absently.

Meanwhile on the Deaf Star, a huge creation shaped like a human ear, heavy breathing of Darth Vaders brother, Darn Nader, was annoying Captain Shatner.

"Dammit Nader," I'm responsiible for the 400 men, women and crew on this ear, how can I concentrate when you sound like an obscene phone call."

"Captain," said Spock raising an eyebrow, "May I remind you that we are only guest characters in this series and perhaps we need to be more tolerant."

"I know, I know Leonard," said Shatner, "I'm just frustrated that they wouldn't give us our regular uniforms, these jumpsuits from Jackson's Thriller video are making me itch!"

"Captain," said Uhura, "A star fighter is attempting to enter our vessel's canal, should I allow it or put it on a tractor beam.

"Allow it Uhura, Spock what kind of vessel is it and what's inside?"

"It would appear to be what you on earth would call a siamese twin inside of a vessel shaped like a...giant Q-tip. They appear to be chanting some kind of religious rite. If I'm not mistaken Captain, it is a rare religion call Jedism that uses this form of prayer."

"Okay, Sulu, Chekov, Spock, let's go greet our guests, put your phasers on stun."

They arrive in the ear canal, the ship has landed in what looks like a pile of wax. the wing doors of the ship open and Luke and Leia struggle with the harness again and then struggle to get out. Leia struggles to go her way and Luke to go his, but Leia's extra weight pays a dividend and end up falling into the wax on her side momentarily.

"34 years were together and you still don't get were inseparable? Siamese twins get it?!"
"If we didn't share internal organs, I'd slice us in half right this parsec!!" shouted Luke.

"Welcome to the Federation Communication Center," said Shatner.

"Communication Center?" asked Luke skeptically, our stirrings in the force said this was Death Ear".

"Perhaps your sensors are defective," said Spock, "This is new technology and it may not recognize our the biological aspect of this creation."

"What the hell did he say?" asked Luke grabbing his blaster, "Did he just insult me?"

"All I said," said Spock, "Is that this vessel is newer than your sensors and may not be detectable..."

But it was too late, Luke took a round house swing at Spock, who ducked and hit Leia in the breast with his fist.

"Oh please forgive me madame," said Spock politely.
"Oh to the Klingons with you, you pointy eared bastard!" yelled Leia as she pulled out her light saber and swung at a ducking Spock, neatly slicing off one of his ears.

"Spock!" yelled Shatner, who was pointing his phaser at the twins, "Hold it or I'll be force to shoot."

The fighting stopped.

"Ensigns, take these two, take this siamese...uhmm, cat, to the brig and hold them for Federation Star Command.

Shatner pulls out a communicator, it beeps to life. He leans down and picks up Spock's missing ear. It is dripping with greenish blood. "Bones, meet us in sick-bay, you'll never believe what I'm going to ask you to do....

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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