Al Gore Hammers Anna Nicole Smith Obsessions So Do Not Read This

Funny story written by Karen Fish

Tuesday, 28 September 2010


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Anna Nicole Smith : Happier times.

In December of 2007 Nobel Peace Prize Winner Al Gore gave an interview to Time Magazine in which he said, "When I was in the Snow and Ice Data Center receiving a full briefing on the polar ice caps, (the North Pole used to have ice), afterwards I would turn on my TV and there were two networks with the bulletin: 'Britney Spears loses custody of her children.' We're living in a madhouse if our priorities focus on the embalming of Anna Nicole Smith, or the trial of OJ Simpson, while we ignore the greatest crisis this nation has ever faced."

Al Gore seems to be saying in some type of dialectic code that global warming is the greatest crisis our nation has ever faced (World War II was supposedly a mild case of heartburn, the war between the religions is supposedly a mild flu) and that instead of focusing on global warming full time we are all a bunch of lunatics because we focus our attention on Anna Nicole Smith, OJ Simpson, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Ashton Kutcher, Paris Hilton and Ali Lohan.

People are driven by their instincts and their emotions. We tend to do what makes us feel good at the time and we stay away from things that make us feel bad at the time. We have pleasure centers in our brains. If we look at and smell a red hybrid tea rose on a bright warm sunny day we feel great. Woody Allen says that the world is divided into two categories: the miserable and the truly horrible. The miserable are the average person living a life of quiet desperation. The truly horrible are cancer patients with the cancer eating them alive from the inside while doctors pump them full of hoorid medications for years that put them into unbearable agony.

According to Al Gore people do not spend enough time worrying about the environment. Perhaps we should unplug the BP Macondo oil well and watch the underwater oil volcano and government planes spraying cancer causing corexit into the Gulf of Mexico for another hundred days. We should all watch Billy Nungesser and James Carville shpilkisssing out for another hundred days. Why look at beautiful roses like Anna Nicole Smith with fascinating stories to tell when we can watch Billy Nungesser and James Carville scream, 'Help, Help, Help!"

How did Al Gore win the Nobel Peace Prize for making a movie about global warming? What does global warming have to do with peace? Don't they have some type of Nobel Science Prize for global warming? Were the Nobel people unable to give Al Gore the science prize because he isn't a scientist and so they gave Al Gore the Nobel Peace Prize hoping that nobody would notice because we were all too busy focusing on the Anna Nicole Smith cases?

Woody Allen said that politicians are one step below child molesters. The reason that our politicians are taking all of the money from the middle class and giving it to themselves and their billionaire friends is simple. Mattel shipped all of their 30,000 manufacturing employees to China. Our politicians feel that if we are all unemployed and flat broke, then we will be happy to work for 15 cents a day, we will be able to compete with China, and Barbie and Ken can come home to America. 'Barbie, Barbie, Come Home, We miss you!'

What was the name of that beautiful blonde little girl who got killed in her house? The police were focusing on her mother and father and brother. Then some lunatic confessed to the crime and he really had nothing to do with it? What do Barbie, the little dead girl beauty queen contestant, Natalee Holloway, Anna Nicole Smith and Marilyn Monroe have in common? Who does not fit in this list: Anna Nicole Smith, Barbie, JonBenet Ramsey, Natalee Holloway, Marilyn Monroe, Moni Kasshanna?

What is Anna Nicole Smith's real name? The Anna Nicole Smith inheritance case has been going on for 15 years now. Anna Nicole Smith died and so her adorable daughter Dannielynn Birkhead is now fighting the case. Gorgeous little Dannielynn Birkhead just celebrated her third birthday. E. Pierce Marshall also died so the new defendant is his widow. It's a toddler against a widow for hundreds of millions. The case has already been to the United States Supreme Court where Ruth Bader Ginsburg found for the baby. The widow just won an appeal, giving the baby nothing and now the case is headed back to the United States Supreme Court again. The Taliban will be davening Maariv before this case ever ends.

President Obama admitted to smoking marijuana and snorting cocaine. President Clinton admitted to smoking marijuana. Why are they in the Oval Office instead of in jail getting raped in the shower? Is there one set of laws for the rich and powerful and another set of laws for normal people? According to Lindsay Lohan and Ali Lohan drug addiction like George W. Bush alcoholism is a disease, not a felony.

When baby Dannielynn was born Howard K. Stern was put on the birth certificate as the father. Howard K. Stern told Larry King that he was Dannielynn's father. Anna Nicole Smith, Howard K. Stern, Dannielynn Birkhead and Moni Kasshanna went to live in the Bahamas. Anna Nicole Smith and her son Daniel and Michael Jackson all died from overdosing on legal prescription drugs. Why is tobacco, the cause of cancer, with 50 chemicals added, whose only function is to hook you, legal? How much money are we spending treating cancer and jailing 2 million of our fellow citizens? Why are we electing politicians who refuse to change our idiotic laws which they themselves flaunt publicly? What's wrong with us?

The problem was that Dannielynn's DNA was an exact match with the DNA of photographer Larry Birkhead. If Al Gore had been a scientist he would have known this. Today the jury began deliberations on Howard K. Stern who is on trial for giving drugs to Anna Nicole Smith. The thing that we need to do is to legalize marijuana in California with Proposition 19 on November 2 and bring back prohibition, as mandated by the Eighteenth Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America. For our Constitution Thumping Politicians this would be 'the greatest crisis this nation has ever faced.'

Vote 'Yes' to Proposition 19 on Nov. 2, 2010.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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