So here is a collection of South Africa World Cup England 2010 Statements, comments & Funnies
Assembled by unpaid decrepit reporter Inchcock Chambers
* What's the difference between the England World Cup team and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
* News Flash: Huge spike in sales of pink fairy tutus at Glastonbury Festival 2010 by blokes too embarrassed to wear their England world cup shirt.
* I'm shocked at Wayne Rooney's outburst after the Algeria World Cup game. Who were surprised he could even string a sentence together!
* Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied, "About as well as you can mate"!
* What do you call an Englishman in the last 16 of the 2010 World Cup? A referee.
* Six hours of football and goalkeeper Robert Green is still England's top scorer!.
* I can't believe we only managed a draw against a rubbish team we should easily have beaten. . . . I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian!
* What's the difference between a faulty jet engine and Wayne Rooney? The jet engine eventually stops whining.
* Apparently the fan after the Algeria game had no trouble slipping into the England dressing room - Robert Green was guarding the door.
* Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.
* Oxo were going to bring out a World Cup 2010 Commemorative cube painted red, white and blue in honour of the England squad. But it was a laughing stock and crumbled in the box.
* Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and England?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence.
* Rumours that David Beckham was seen successfully seducing a young woman in a Spanish nightclub with a one-liner have been completely refuted by the English FA. chief, publicity officer stated: "I find it totally preposterous to suggest that one of our players could make a successful pass to or at anyone."
* Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered."
The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded."
The fourth one says, "I prefer English football fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable."
* Did you hear about the UK politician who was found dead in an English football jersey? The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.
* Did you hear that the UK Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps with pictures of English football players on them. People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
* Police have charged the man who entered the England dressing room with 'trespassing. Twenty-three others have been charged with impersonating a footballer.
