Mark Regev wants to join Hamas PR dept.!

Funny story written by Faronomics

Thursday, 10 June 2010

Tel Aviv - Mark Regev expressed his intention to join Hamas Public relations department and has resigned from his post as "Israel's Foreign Press and Public Affairs Adviser".

The reason for his resignation is yet not clear, both Israel's foreign ministry and Mr.Regev are providing 'conflicting' reasons to the account.

IFM (Isreal Foreign Ministry) released this statement on Monday saying,

"We think Mark Regev's decision to join Hamas PR dept is regrettable. IFM reassured Mr. Regev that all 'pay disputes' will be resolved peacefully - but Mr.Regev insisted on 'violence' ( threatened to join Hamas PR ) if IFM did not raise his remuneration and hence his current pay scale was downgraded - it's his fault .

Mr. Regev has been an irreplaceable asset to Israel PR dept - His impeccable ability to articulately defend every action of Israel that broke int'l law and UN resolutions are incalculable.

Mark and IFM has enjoyed positive relationship in the past - we would hope Mr. Regev feels the same way and reevaluate his decision to join a terrorist organization that aims to destroy Israel 'wherever they see her' "

Regev announced his resignation on Al Jazeera's 1500 GMT bulletin as millions turned to their TV sets to witness this bizarre development.

David foster , who was interviewing him asked if he agrees with the IFM version of the story .

"Well , it's true but not accurate', said Regev ,with his unfailing poker face.

Here's an excerpt of the interview

David Foster : So you're saying IFM's telling the truth but not accurate, than what's accurate ?

Mark Regev : I am saying what I am saying…..

(Frustrated with his usual tone , David Foster urged him to avoid opaque language and give newscasters a break since he's no longer acting on behalf of IFM ! )

Mark Regev : I forgot ! old habits die hard , you know better than me .

David Foster : Let's just say you have resigned for 'pay disputes' with the IFM for a minute - but why would you desire to join Hamas , an organization your country ,foreign ministry and the IDF clearly label as 'terrorist'??!!?!?

Mark Regev : I didn't say I am joining Hamas - don't try to put words in my mouth . I said I am willing to join Hamas public relations department . Did I say I am going to fire rockets from Gaza ? it's the IDF who has been dropping phosphorus bombs on innocent , unarmed , defenseless children of Gaza .

Let me be clear , Hamas is an elected , legitimate government of Gaza - and it has the right to defend itself - let make no mistake in that !

Regarding IFM's pay dispute excuses - Well , As your reporter said in his report , Hamas will never be able remunerate me the amount I earned from my service as a public relations advisor to IFM. So IFM's efforts to label the situation as 'simply a pay dispute' is fabricated and shameful . if I wanted more pay , why would I join a poorly funded organization as HAMAS ?

David Foster: Now that you have formally resigned from the Gov, can you explain to our viewers regarding the propaganda/lies you managed to spew on airwaves over the years? And will you employ the same techniques while working for Hamas ?

Mark Regev : You don't want me to reveal all my valuable PR techniques on airwaves, Sir ? (devilish smile ) and I respectfully disagree, all these years I have devotedly worked for my ministry and I didn't propagate any propaganda or lies - my job is to twist the truth, conjure up facts, and that's what I did . For me , all facts are subjective . I only tried to provide a subjective Israeli angle to every single fact, law and resolutions . And hopefully , I will be able to do the same for Hamas PR dept.

David Foster : Do you think IDF will be able to revive its reputation after the fallout from flotilla attack ?

Mark Regev : As long as IDF is able to retain effective PR officers like me , they should be fine. Let's not forget , the World Cup has commenced, eventually people will be glued to their sports channel and the story will subside . At least , that's what we are expecting.
David Foster : Given your rather peculiar past , Do you think Hamas will employ you ?

Mark Regev : Hamas is in a 'delicate PR situation' and past doesn't matter - it's performance . If I have the PR skills to shamelessly,un-apologetically defend Israel's every deplorable action on int'l broadcast channels , diplomatic meetings and at the UN - I believe , I will be able to defend Hamas's rocket fire - it's nothing, if you compare it to IDF's military operation, blockades and incursions

I don't think it's lucrative or sustainble for any diplomat to serve Israel in the long run . But I like to take up challenging task - that's why joined IFM in the first place . Once you know the PR skill you can handle any 'incoming bombs' (question).

For example , We never denied our soldiers opened fire on the flotilla ship , instead we said the activists 'bought death upon themselves ' - In four minute interview on air always mention Hamas 20 times, Iranian regime threats 25 times - say things for the sake of saying , say how Anti-Semitic the whole world/UN has become, say every humanitarian convoy is linked to Al qaeda ( if we can't find any credible evidence, retract the claim and instead say , 'Hardcore extremists') and of course, always attempt to translate Persian sentences into 'customized Hebrew' like if Mr. President Ahmadinajed says he wants Israel to 'wipe Iranian floor mat ( carpet)' the Hebrew translation would be 'Iran wants to wipe Israel out of the global map! "

David foster wrapped up the interview wishing him 'good luck'!

The reasons for Mark's mysterious move may never come to light, unconfirmed reports suggest that IFM is using Mark's own spinning tactics to get back at him .

Meanwhile, Hamas has declined to comment on the story.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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