Compost Soup - A Savoury New Delight

Written by rfreed

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

image for Compost Soup - A Savoury New Delight
This earthworm has been gracious enough to offer to pose for us.

An Oregon group shared a recipe for compost soup on the radio. Although thoroughly organic, it was however not your normal culinary delight.

You could call it 'getting back to the earth' in a big way, although dying could also be looked upon as a way of getting 'back to the earth' as well.

Ingredients are of vital importance in the mixture. Earthworm castings are a major component. For those laymen reading this castings is another term for 'poop'. These need to be processed for 12 hours- remember, this is no cheap concoction we are making here. Next comes the bat and seagull guano. Again, for those laymen present, guano is yet another term for 'poop' (It is strange that Webster is willing to sacrifice so much dictionary space to literary varieties of the word 'poop').

Worm castings are a very difficult thing to obtain as it is difficult to know which end of the worm to wait for them to come out of. There are apparently talented experts in the field who are called in for this. Guano, a poop that is on a slightly higher evolutionary plane than castings, is actually a very valuable substance.

In centuries past South American countries actually fought wars over islands slathered with gull guano ('Gull Guano' sounds like it would make a really cool name for one of those energy drinks that are so popular now). Guano is highly valued as a fertilizer. As oil is known as 'black gold' and ginseng is known as 'green gold' then is follows that guano could be known as 'white gold with streaks of brown in it'. (If you wish to retch, now would be a good time. I will wait before continuing)....

The entire batch is carefully mixed and allowed to distill to a fine elixir.

Now it is ready.

At this point it is perhaps wise to inform you the reader that compost soup is actually a concoction intended as plant food. We do not wish to have our readers barfing all over this article that took such an effort to create. We also wish to inform that this is a patented mixture so if Monsanto has any ideas of getting their paws on it and genetically modifying it they can forget it.

One is reminded of other slightly offbeat creations that humans actually quaff such as birds nest soup which is made by boiling the nests of cliff swallows in China to extract the bird's saliva from it (This article points out an amazing aspect of capitalism in that money can be made from both ends of a bird). Also there is chicken foots soup, coming as well from China where they believe in truly getting their moneys worth from every bird they have. This soup, as you can probably guess, is made from a unique part of the bird which, when deprived of could probably no longer muster up making much of anything else such as eggs so the farmer would well consider which product of the bird he wishes to harvest first.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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