Las Cruces, New Mexico Bans Cell Phone Use While Driving

Written by Jalapenoman

Saturday, 6 February 2010

image for Las Cruces, New Mexico Bans Cell Phone Use While Driving
Be careful not to talk on this while driving or you might get a ticket (but giving me a blow job while driving is okay).

The city of Las Cruces, New Mexico has banned the usage of cell phones while driving. Holding a cell phone and speaking into it will not be permitted, and neither will sending or receiving text messages. Using a hands free device and speaking with a hands free device, however, is still permissable.

Offenders will receive a ticket for any offense of driving while using a cell phone, unless the officer sees evidence that the driver has answered the phone, asked the caller to wait, and is attempting to leave the road to talk.

Things such as knee or elbow driving or asking someone else to "hold the wheel while I blow my nose" are not considered as dangerous as answering a phone call and receive no punishment or fine.

The following things, equally or more dangerous in driving, will also continue to be permissable:

  • Putting on your make-up and fixing your hair.
  • Reading a map and then attempting to refold that map.
  • Doing your homework
  • Playing games on a game boy (but not on your cell phone).
  • Receiving a blow job (giving one will be permitted only if the driver's view is not obstructed).
  • Masturbating while driving past a junior high school (only illegal if seen by the junior high school girls).
  • Eating a hamburger or other meal.
  • Smoking, lighting a cigarette, or dipping.
  • Juggling (balls, clubs, knives, or chainsaws).
  • Attempting to find a station on the radio or a specific song on a CD.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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