Oxford, Webster, Macmillan, Herbie’s Big Book of Big Words … what do they all have in common? They’re all dictionaries. They keep track of all the words you use or haven’t used yet by will some day. And there’s another common factor among them all…
JEFFERSON CITY, Missouri – (Satire News) – After receiving a petition with over 2.3 million names, the Missouri state senate has voted to prohibit the use of the anagram letters LMAO. The vote against the “Laughing My Ass Off” anagram was a close…
No, no, a thousand times NO! Too many of them are total scumbags -- treating their spouses and/or partners like dirt, accepting and/or making illegal bribes, appropriating campaign cash for their own use, not keeping their campaign promises, etc. When I was in grammar school, we practiced writing letters to elected public officials and were always instructed to address them as THE HONORABLE...
Dear Vehicle Consumers: Imagine this. The average temperature of the Earth rising. A gigantic piece of ice falling in the arctic causing a surge of water to splash across continents. Polar bears standing on coffee table-sized pieces of ice, looking at photographers with their best baby face impressions. These are common images used to discuss global warming. One common suggestion to relieve thi...
Washington, DC -- America is about to pay a high price for its love affair with its five favorite letters. The vowels -- A,E,I,O,U -- have become so popular that there aren't enough of them to go around, according to a recently published FB* report.
Boston, MA - The Boston Tribune's randomly chosen entry into The Best Letter from Mom While You Were at Camp Contest appears below. This week's entry was submitted by Debbie Jones of Dover, MA. Dear Debbie, Dad and I (and the admin that I suspect is Dad's new mistress) are so happy to hear that your summer "job" at the Big Game Reserve in South Africa is going well (especially since Dad and...
Dear Sir Lancelot, when the red red robin did you last buy a decent living kettle of fish? I think they have forgotten how to make a popocatepetl proper cat and fiddle kettle these days of wine and roses grow on you. I blame the Chinese whispers, everything seems to be made in China now then now then. I bought it skipper a kettle drum down in the drink Batley High Street fighting man last we...
The following are letters that were written to the editor of the Los Angeles-based iRumors News Agency, Bacardi Cheyenne. Not one word has been deleted, omitted, changed, altered, amended, or otherwise modified. Dear iRumors - My wife of 17 years Violetta and I are wondering why it is that Taylor Swift only seems to ever write songs about her ex-boyfriends. Tucker Dryflame Kalamazoo, Michi...
Barcelona - Day Five - L'Aquarium. In his own words for once. "It was a weird sort of a day; day five. It kicked off with the kids getting bored in the apartment, so I had a conspiratorial word in the son-in-law's shell, and we decided to take them out for a walk to burn off some of that excess energy. "I don't know if any of you who are reading this know Barcelona at all - if you do, you...
No trip to Barcelona is ever considered complete without a visit to the magnificent Nou Camp. Which is where Martin Shuttlecock went on Friday, accompanied by his football loving son in law. Who filmed the event for posterity, unknown to Shuttlecock. "He had one of them orbital cameras," Shuttlecock revealed. "What does films and that. I didn't know he was filming it. I thought he was just t...
Night time: Sagrada Familia, El Raval and Ladyboys - As regular readers are probably aware, Martin Shuttlecock can't write for peanuts, has no comprehension of the concept of humour, or irony, or even basic table manners. So we sent a Skoob News reporter out to interview him. In a cockroach infested crackhouse up an alley in Barcelona's notorious El Raval district. "It's not really all that...
Day two: Day two got lost somehow. So this is really day three part one. Day three part two will appear at some point today, providing day three isn't quite as hectic as day two. Deep joy on day two with the discovery of a shop that sells pies. Things were looking up. Then things looked up even more with the discovery of a chip shop that sells fish and chips, pies, mushy peas and gravy too!...
"Well, that wasn't at all what I expected," said a decidedly disgruntled Martin Shuttlecock, from his garret in Barcelona's notorious El Raval district, last night. "The flight down here was pretty uneventful - although it wasn't a Lear jet, it was at least a jet, one of them airbus things. Still, at least we never did a belly flop onto the M27. And we didn't get served champagne by a bevvy of...
HOLLYWOOD - Vanna White has been turning the letters on the television game show Wheel of Fortune for 29 years. But an inside, unnamed source has just revealed that the 55-year-old may have to quit, what many say is the best darn job in the entire...
Dear Sir, I ham fighting through you on beehive of a much misunderstood grope off scufflers, mainly, hose hoot stupor from the friction whereby hay displace random herds with other swords witch either luck or wound a skittle bit scimitar. As ewe mustard seed, I amble cone of these importunates myself. Theseus hiss a moused perspexing disorder, being very scuttle hand mafeking the shuffler se...
With a world shortage of magnesium looming, the printing industry is looking at ways of saving this crucial ingredient in ink. "Magnesium has very few uses," said Hugh Packard, head of ink at Kodak. "It's main use is in the manufacturer of ink jet...
Dear Sir, I am writing in the hope that any of your readership may have a care for our lost histories. You see, I live here in Broadwoodwidger and am researching the lives of our ancestor, Edwin Puley, who was a Cheesewright and Noddler, and indeed served his time in your very environment before ending his days as a Master Cheesewright and Chief Noddler back here in Devon. I visited your...
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