The FA today changed its mind and decided that England would have a World Cup song to take people's minds off their inevitable failure at winning that competition. This is it:
'Three Lions'
'[spoken]
Alan Hansen: I think all these foreign players dominating English clubs is bad for our game
Trevor Brooking: We're just not good enough, we only won in sixty-six by a fix
It won't come home
It won't come home
It won't
The Cup won't come home
[spoken]
Jimmy Hill: We'll go on losing semis, losing semis, losing semis on penalties
It won't come home
It won't come home
It won't
The Cup won't come home
Everyone seems to know the score
They've seen it all before
They just know
They're so sure
That England's gonna
Lose in a semi
To Germany
Or Italy, so
England can't win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty years of lies
We are bored with it
So many jokes, so many jeers
And xenophobic fears
And hooligans too
Mean more tear gas tears
But I still see that linesman
Ignoring the ball
And when it was given
We thought we were tall
England can't win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty years of lies
We are bored with it
[spoken]
John Motson: England have bottled it once more in extra time!
David Coleman: What an embarrassment! Steven Gerrard is in every way
So many Scots want us to lose
And Irish and Welsh too
They all get out the booze
And hope we're beaten
But when Jim Baxter made us
Look like sad fools
In sixty-seven
It was seen that -
England can't win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty years of lies
We are bored with it
England can't win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty years of lies
We are bored with it
They're coming home
They're coming home
They're coming home early again
They're coming home
They're coming home
They're coming home early again'
(Words and music by 50 million delusional English fans; hype by the BBC and ITV; winning by Germany, France, Brazil or Argentina; handiwork by Diego Maradona)
