Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 5 January 2010


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The pure white snow seemed to shine as the rays of mid morning broke free of the passing clouds and filled in the shadows with light. An unusually warm day on this February 21st, the snow had started to melt slightly on its top layer forcing small drifts and mounds to take on a smooth reflective finish. They had waited what seemed like a lifetime to get to this place, a modest little cabin nestled in the woods of the northern forest.

The log cabin frame fit well into a standing forest of mostly pines and maples, while the front offered a view through two stories of glass windows facing a small clearing of winding hills and more forest an acre away. From the back door, you could walk a hundred yards to a creek that was fed from a fresh water spring while the water moved well enough in Winter to keep the creek from completely freezing over. The sounds and smells there were peaceful, clear, fresh and eventually lured you into a feeling of complete contentment.

The day was perfect he thought, as he threw a couple of logs on the fire and dropped a couple more into the commode. The embers from the previous evening were still hot enough to start the morning flame. Wearing only a t-shirt and his crusty briefs, he noticed a distinct chill in this large room and he grabbed the comforter off the couch to wrap himself while he waited for the fire to take its shape.

Though it was 10 AM, she still slept. It had been a long trip to the cabin the night before, ending another long week of canceled flights, rough hotel beds, and problem clients. They both collapsed in each other's arms that night falling asleep too quickly to do the one thing they had promised each other they would do. Their mutual ritual of shaving foot calluses, then making love would have to wait. He had looked forward to being intimate with the one, this woman who could move him emotionally, but they were admittedly still tired from the difficult travel week.

The room slowly warmed as the fire began to grow and he made his way back upstairs to see if she had awakened. She lay there looking like a child, curled up on her left side clutching the blankets to wrap them around her shoulders. Her hair had fallen to one side though a few strands still lay across her face. She always thought she looked like hell in the morning, but to him she was a vision. Beautiful and peaceful, lips slightly parted and a cute nose that buried itself into the pillow. He pondered waking her, but was then overcome by the smell of a rotting buffalo carcass. He was always impressed at her ability to sneak one out without any sound. "It was cute", he thought. "Disgusting, head turning, but cute". Rather than disturb her peaceful rest, he headed back downstairs to make a few pancakes and squeeze an orange or two.

Breakfast in bed was this morning's gift to her. He liked to make things special for this woman, and enjoyed her reaction to the little things he did for her. The pancakes were a perfect golden brown and a cruet of syrup had been warmed, placed on the tray next to the stack. The orange juice was fresh and looked perfect in the small crystal wine glasses he had found in the cupboard. The coffee was just the way she liked it with cream and sugar in a small china coffee cup, next to which lay a perfect red rose to remind her of his love.

He stumbled into the room and the wine glasses made a clinking sound, enough to wake sleeping beauty from her peaceful dream. She sat up quickly letting the blanket fall from her chest and offered him the biggest morning smile she could muster. He smiled back and offered the tray. She seemed surprised each time he did this for her, but she truly loved breakfast in bed. Together they talked and laughed and looked forward to the day as he took breaks from the conversation to feed her small bites of pancakes dipped in warm syrup.

He outlined the day for her, offering a late morning ski trip into the woods as a way to get a little exercise and see the beauty of the day. She agreed to the idea but wanted to shower and do her hair first. He just laughed. "Let's pack some water and head out for a little exercise this morning, then showers after.... sound good?" She agreed but only because they were in the middle of the woods with nobody to see her. He had learned to never argue with a woman about makeup, haircare, or douche rituals.

They began to dress for the elements, although it was a beautiful 35 degrees filled with bright sunshine and no wind whatsoever. She was struggling with her boots when she noticed a full back pack against the door. "What's that", she asked as she pointed to the pack. "Nothing" he replied, "Just stuff we need on our hike".

He had been hiding his true motive and mood all morning as they made their way out the back door and into the cool clean air. They both stopped to take in a breath and smiled at each other. She leaned towards him and kissed him softly on the lips. She smiled again and asked "are you sure you don't want to go back to bed? Huh? I could make it worth your while" she said. "Later" he replied, "Lets get a little exercise first, then we can take a long hot bath and make love all afternoon".

Agreed, they unpacked the cross-country skis from the top of the Jeep and snapped their boots into the bindings, testing the weight against the snow. It was packed just enough to allow good skiing without creating too much depth in the ski track. He put on the backpack and led the way towards the creek.

Cutting the trail was always a bit difficult but the movement was smooth and it felt great to be skiing in the sun. She followed closely asking him from time to time if that was as fast as he could go. She liked to tease him, calling him "wimp, pussy, cocksucker, nancy-boy" and other cute pet names, just to let him know she was close behind and that she still cared. They both worked up a good sweat as they covered their first two miles.

As he approached a standing grove of pines alongside the creek, he stopped to survey the surroundings. He recalled that this was State land and that they were truly in the middle of nowhere. "Perfect" he thought.

He dropped his backpack and stomped down the snow a little with his skis to make a small packed area next to the creek. He opened the pack and handed her a thermos filled with a special hot chocolate he made earlier with real milk chocolate added to make it thick. While she poured a cup, he pulled out a free-standing tent and let the self expanding poles push and open the tent to its full position. He tossed the pack into the tent and approached her.

She was shocked to see the tent and asked what his intentions were, she was just playing with him of course, she knew what his intentions were. He raised his finger to his lips to stop the questions. He capped the thermos bottle and threw it into the tent. He held her closely, quietly and with the calm of the pines all around them, could hear the sound of the creek babbling like a bi-polar indigent with ADD. It was peaceful and beautiful, and at that specific moment, was the most perfect place in the world. He was ready for this morning's plans to come to fruition.

He pushed himself into her so that she could feel his readiness even through his ski pants. He kissed her slowly at first then deeply put his tongue into her mouth to taste the chocolate. She moaned and looked at him with a little surprise not expecting this plan at all.

Inspired by her favorite, red-hooded bedroom character she said, "My, what a big bulge you have".

"All the better to pork you with my dear", he responded, trying his best to sound like whatever a big bad wolf might sound like.

He gently pulled down her turtleneck to expose her glistening neck. Goosebumps appeared as the sweat combined with the cool air but gave into his open mouth as he buried it into her neck. The warmth of his mouth felt like a candle flame against her cold skin as she wrapped her arm around his head, pulling him into her more deeply.

He took her hand and led her to the tent. The ground was soft under the tent floor, buffered by a foot of snow, a bed of pine needles, and several piles of black bear dung. He quickly pulled out a bottle of Dom and stuck it in the snow to cool. He threw the first bulky sleeping bag onto the floor and the second one to the side. On their knees together, he pulled her close again to kiss her deeply while at the same time pulling off her coat. With her arms free she grabbed his coat and pulled it off, both were thrown to the back of the tent. They were frantic to remove each other's pants and she ran the palm of her hand past his rippled stomach to see just how ready he was for her. On top of his soft cotton briefs, she wrapped her hand around him with a gentle squeeze and could feel him throb. "Baby, this Bud's for you". He said with love and tenderness in his eyes.

They were satisfied with deep kissing at first. Each kiss was special, deep but gentle, pulling and pressing, intimate and lingering. When they kissed, it was as passionate as life could be and would make them both weak in the knees. They would stop only to catch a breath and look into each other's eyes.

He pressed both lips to hers softly then pressing slightly while turning his head to the side so his lips could better match the contours of her beautiful mouth. She kissed his open mouth again and darted her tongue into his own, begging for his tongue in her mouth. It seemed like they could never hold each other close enough or tight enough. The passion generated by just the simple kiss was almost enough to bring them both to climax. It was never like that with any other woman, or for her, any other man, except Troy, the high school star running back.

Down to just t-shirts and briefs they were both starting to develop goose bumps in the cold as they lay down to grab the loose sleeping bag. He zipped the two together making one big insulated pocket, big enough for him to move around inside of. He lay on top of her, but off to the side and keeping his weight on one elbow kissed her slowly again. With his free hand, he opened his palm and let his fingers gently stroke her body from her collarbone to stomach. The heat of their bodies started to warm the inside of the soft cotton pocket. His hands wrapped the back of her shoulder blades as he pulled her into him for the deepest kiss he could offer. She threw her head back exposing the rest of her neck for him to ravage.

He stopped only to take a breath and grab the hot chocolate. Opening the still hot bottle, he took a big mouthful and held it for a few seconds before swallowing. Moving down her body now he lifted her legs up to allow him to wrap his arms around her hips and across her waist. He opened his mouth wide and placed it over her entirely. The warmth from the cocoa made her pull away, feeling hot against cold skin. She eased back into him as his tongue danced around parts of her, again and again. "That's right baby" she said, "The buffet is open and the sign says, All you can eat".

He kissed her softly and played with her, sharing the heat from the hot chocolate again and again. She pulled her hips back and moaned as if to confirm the pleasure and give thanks for his efforts. "Thank God you're not a vegetarian", she quipped.

She was grabbing at the sleeping bag now, taking handfuls of the material and squeezing it like it would help her to hold off the inevitable. She seemed to fight it, wanting to wait for him to be there clutched within her, but he would have none of that.

He could feel her contract while he kissed her, each time rolling her hips into him as she came. He slowed the frequency of his kisses and eased up on the pressure while she began to slow her breathing. She managed to utter only three words, "Please hold me", still coming to grips with the whole of the experience and not wanting it to end. He moved up her body and picked her up to allow his arms to wrap around her back and shoulders, easing his body down to her, he held her tight under the covers.

"This is nice, cuddling, you know, as long as you remember to, like, sort of, you know, return the favor?" He managed to say without actually begging.

She pushed his head up slightly with both of her hands to look into his eyes and said 'make love to me.... please.' With a deep sigh he exhaled 'I love you'. He had been ready for her for hours and it would not take long for him to lose control of his breathing, his words, his senses. For some reason they both always knew when the other was ready, maybe through the speed of breathing, maybe through the sound of each moan. She began to wrap her ankles around his holding him tight to her and he began to sweat and breathe deeper and faster. It was the most beautiful feeling he had ever experienced, next to free tickets to an executive suite for the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals.

It lasted for minutes, but seemed like hours. They had no idea that their bodies had become this tense, this tight and only after beginning to relax did they feel the muscle pain of clutching each other so tightly. He rotated his ankles and moved his toes to make sure they were still there. She was covered in sweat and still trying to catch her breath as both of them were still in the process of coming back from that secret place they had just journeyed to. "You've like, covered me in man-sweat", she said lovingly. "Did you bring any towels Einstein?".

They lay there holding each other, thinking of nothing else but the peace and calm and contentment they brought to each other. There was no need for words, 'words never fully expressed true feelings anyway' he thought. He never wanted to loosen his arms, and he knew he could die happy if it happened at that very moment. Eventually the tent was packed up, as was the cocoa. All they left behind were butt impressions in the snow from the afternoon romp. A souvenir for someone else to find.

The cabin had been updated with new furniture and fixtures, and so it was in the bathroom as well. There was a large jetted bathtub about 16 inches longer and wider than typical. Both ends of the tub sloped up to provide a perfect incline for one to lay back and relax. The best part of the tub was that two could fit quite comfortably. He was making plans again, trying to make the rest of the day special and the thought of the bathtub sounded romantic and relaxing. They arrived a short time later and they both needed to soak in some hot water, and soothe tired muscles. She went upstairs first, and he could hear the sound of water now filling the tub. He went to the kitchen to grab a couple of wine glasses, champagne and some floating candles cut in the shapes of flowers. They lasted 60 seconds until one of them burned the hair on his chest and singed a nipple.

The water was wonderful, and they talked of the day, the snow on the trees and the sound of the creek. It was peaceful and calm and he never wanted this day to end. After dimming the bathroom light, they sipped champagne and laughed at the names they called each other on the ski trail. "Skank", he would tease. "Dick", she would respond. He grabbed each of her feet and massaged them with a soft sponge and soap.

Aside from the water that had splashed over the white tile floor, the bath was soothing and uneventful. She had started to get dressed into come comfortable sweats and brush her hair out while he collected some fine dry hardwood to make a long burning fire. She came down minutes later with the comforter from the bed and a book tucked under her arm. At one end of a large tan leather couch facing the fire, she tucked herself into the pillows that adorned the corner and wrapped herself up with the quilted blanket.

He emerged from the kitchen with two medium chilled bottles of water, some cut up summer sausage, cheddar cheese and crackers. He presented them on a small table that he moved in front of the middle of the couch and leaned over to her to kiss her on both lips. "You're going to cook us some real food, though right?" she asked.

"Of course my dove, anything, and I mean anything for you my queen", he responded.

"That sounded a little condescending".

"Maybe because I'm a little tired from the pampering and I just wanted to enjoy a couple of snacks by the fire", he replied.

"Pampering? As if you didn't enjoy yourself as well today", she said.

"No, no, don't get me wrong, today was almost perfect for me, but I wanted it to be a perfect day for you. Today was your day." He replied.
"It was the perfect day for both of us", she answered.

"Yes, fine. It was perfect all around. I agree".

"SO you don't think it was perfect?"

"Let's drop it and enjoy the fire".

"No, you tell me right now what wasn't perfect about the day".

"Look honey, it was a great day. Truly."

"No, what wasn't perfect about it? Tell me now. You know I'm not going to stop asking."

"It's just that, nothing really. It was all fantastic."

"Bullshit. You do this every time. The big communicator who doesn't want to communicate".

"OK, I would have liked a little personal attention myself, that's all."

"You mean head? This pouting is about head?"

"Or the lack of"

"You little ungrateful bastard. You got it all day long. It's just never enough"

"It was all great, truly, but I was just hoping…"

"Stop right there, keep on hoping. You never tell me when you're there anyway and then you try to gag me at the end".

"Baby please, do we have to do this? Just let it go. The day was great, really."

"OK, drop your pants, whip it out right NOW. Come here and get what you deserve"

"Now you're scaring me"

"No, no, no, you deserve head and I owe it to you, let's go right fucking now"

"It's not possible to do anything right now with you screaming at me"


For 20 minutes more, she bludgeoned him with accusations of being a typical male, with typical flaws, insensitive to a world of women, their hopes, dreams, fears and needs. Her arms flailed, her fingers pointed, her foot stomped and he just stood there looking down at his shoes, reduced to an insect trapped between the floor boards. He mentally detached from the verbal onslaught, kicking himself figuratively for even making the first comment or starting the fight. Worse, he had come to the conclusion that no matter what he tried, or how hard he worked, or how much planning, or how perfect the day might be for his one true love, there was virtually nothing he could ever do to guarantee himself a blowjob.

He sighed and thought, "Ah yes, the end to another typical day".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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