Cricket. The gentle art of 'Sledging'.

Written by nigmuncher

Sunday, 18 October 2009


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Now I love my cricket....... Most of you out there will consider it the most boring game in the universe, but that is just because you don't understand it.

Most consider it a genteel game, but you wouldn't if you had Freddie Flintoff (England) charging in off a 30yard run up to hurl a rock hard ball at 100 mph at your face. Or if you were a close fielder, as Ricky Ponting (Australia) attempted to smash said ball through the covers to the boundary by way of your head.

Cricket is a brilliant game, and one of the things that makes it the game it is, is the gentle art of 'sledging'

Sledging is a term used in cricket to describe the practice whereby some players seek to gain an advantage by insulting or verbally intimidating the opposing batsman. The purpose is to try to weaken the opponent's concentration, thereby causing him to make mistakes or underperform.

I remember when I was playing for a local team, we played a team in Cheshire who's wicket keeper had a habit of standing right behind the stumps, and as their spin bowler released the ball he would say, "wan". Then, as the ball turned wildly, and zipped past your bat into his waiting gloves he would say "ker". Most disconcerting.


1) Javed Miandad (Pakistan) and Merv Hughes (Australia)

Javed Miandad called Hughes a fat bus conductor during a match. A few balls later, Hughes dismissed Miandad. "Tickets please," said Hughes, as he ran past the departing batsman.

2) Glenn McGrath (Australia) and Ramnaresh Sarwan (West Indies)

McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like? "
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife".

McGrath (lost his cool): "If you ever fucking mention my wife again, I'll fucking rip your fucking throat out."

3) Douglas Jardine (England) and Bill Woodfull (Australia)

England player Jardine complained that one of the Australian players called him a bastard. Australian captain Bill Woodfull turns to his team, points to Jardine and asked "Which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?"

4) Mark Waugh (Australia) and Adam Parore (New Zealand)

Mark Waugh standing at second slip, Adam Parore played & missed the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're fucking useless now".
Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut & now I hear you've married her. You dumb fuck".

5) Ravi Shastri (India) and Mike Whitney (Australia)

Shastri hits the ball towards Mike Whitney (the 12th man in the game)(reserve) and looked for a single. Whitney said, "If you leave the crease i'll break your fucking head".
Without battling an eyelid, Shastri retorted, "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the fucking 12th man".

6) Daryll Cullinan and Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had Been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him.
"Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

7) Robin Smith and Merv Hughes: During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played and missed: "You can't fucking bat".
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't fucking bat and you can't fucking bowl."

8) Merv Hughes and Viv Richards. During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries.
"This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say fuck off."

9) And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner (someone to run between the wickets for him) on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney… "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cuunnt!!!"


10) Rodney Marsh (Australia) and the great English hero, Ian Botham (England)

Rodney Marsh to Ian Botham in an Ashes match: "So how's your wife and my kids?"
Ian Botham - "The wife's fine. Your kids are fucking retarded!"

11) Glen McGrath (Australia) and Eddo Brandes (Zimbabwe)

Aussie paceman Glenn McGrath was bowling to Zimbabwe number 11 Eddo Brandes - who was just missing each ball. McGrath, frustrated, went to him and inquired: "Why are you so fat?"
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied, "Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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