Cricket Test Matches to lose 1st Class status

Funny story written by tennisman

Saturday, 25 July 2009

image for Cricket Test Matches to lose 1st Class status
Ricky Ponting walks out to bat in the 'Frivolity' status tour match at Northampton

The shock news that Test matches are about to lose their 1st class status has not come as a complete surprise to the Cricket community.

This proposed downgrading in status of Cricket's premier form of the game follows on from the ICC's decision to reduce Tour matches between visiting countries and the counties to a new 'Frivolity' status.

From recent evidence, it seems that the Australians have taken full advantage of this new categorisation to do pretty much what they want in games other than the Test matches.

At Hove, in the build up to Cardiff, the tour game against Sussex was played as a 22 man per team match. Traditionalists at Hove believed that this huge team size was some sort of celebration of the way cricket matches were played in the mid 1800's. But those close to the Australian squad know that the players fancied a bit of extra time at The Cricketers, the pub attached to the Hove ground. Bigger teams would mean that those sleeping off the effects of a few too many pints of the Amber Nectar could do so uninterrupted in the deck chairs at the north end of the ground, the very same seats that Sussex members have been sleeping in for years.

At Northampton in the current game, Test star Mike Hussey was enjoying E4's Saturday morning pop shows so much that he gave up his wicket as 'Retired Out' while on 75 Not Out overnight, in order that he could keep watching his favourites, the Pussycat Dolls, in the TV room at the County Ground (Hussey is well know down-under for his consumate skills as a fine body popping, George Sampson-style break dancer).

Ricky Ponting, Australia's tiny captain was tetchy when quizzed about his teams contribution to this gradual erosion of importance and status of the summer's cricket 'Look, we're just waiting to get you blokes back down under for another 5-0 thrashing. This summer is a bit of a holiday for us. If the boys don't want to play, they don't have to. And with the new 'Frivolity' status, who cares anyway?'

The diminiutive Aussie skipper, who is rumoured to be planning a breakaway adult kwick-cricket league for small players (the KCSPL), denied claims that his cantankerous recent moods have been caused by too much starch ironed into his cricket shirt collars causing painful chaffing as he persists on wearing them pointing straight up into his craggy, but increasingly pudgy chin.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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