A Nation of No Losers

Written by TonyP4

Friday, 7 August 2009

image for A Nation of No Losers
I'm not a loser!

We do not let you be a loser!

Your mistakes will be rewarded handsomely.

When you bought clunkers that you should not have, we give you $4,000.

When you had mortgage that you cannot afford, we're going to bail you out.

When you lose your job, we extend your benefit.

When you do not have saving, we give you free health care.

When you have saving or a job, we take away your health care.

Teenagers, the more babies you have, the more benefits you have.

Drunk drivers, no one will prosecute you as the entire jury are drunk.

All athletes are rewarded with millions for taking drugs.
We do not allow foreign athletes doing same.

It is an America invention!

No other country lets their citizens own guns.

NRA and his puppet politicians will give you millions of funny 'reasons'.

When any company fails, we bail it out.

The executives are rewarded with bailout money for bringing down a company.

We need you to vote and re-elect us in 4 years.

The children cannot vote today, so let's pass our debts to them.

We can pass all the blames to the evil Chinese.

Why you provide us with so low-cost products?

Why you lend us so much easy money?

Why you guys work for peanuts?

Why your kids study so hard?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more