Hello. I am writing today about my upcoming visit to America.
I am visiting my close friend Duncan who lives in Savannah, Georgia very soon. It is not a sex holiday. It is simply a friendly visit in which I will wear tiny tight bikini's and get wet and sticky in the hot, humid Savannah climate.
What I was wondering is whether the things they say about America are true?
Is it the Land of the Free?
Can I walk into a shop and just take stuff without paying?
Will I get in trouble for ordering a large tub of chicken nuggets and then walking out without handing over any cash?
Can I walk into somebody's house and take their television (ours at home is broken and being repaired by that man who takes pictures of naked animals)?
I have heard that American's can be friendly but that they own guns. Could I take their gun back home? Would they get annoyed?
I am so confused with these customs and traditions.
I know that I am allowed to beat black people and that Indians are fair game for a slapping, but is it really encouraged that children are allowed walk into schools and shoot at each other?
In my old school that was forbidden - except on Sports Sunday! O, the fun we had when Mrs. Bicklesburn went psychotic with that land mine...
I have heard that the American Flag is treated as a special item. So I suppose I can't wipe my arse in it then if I get 'caught short' while out on a picnic or something?
Do American's allow rollerskating naked by Moonlight? I've heard hat the roads in Savannah are very smooth and I'd love to try, seeing as I can't skate at home due to the roads being like cracked dried shit!
I just realised that I can't get an answer to these questions by posting them here. Maybe I should have just asked the Embassy? -Ally