A bitter little fucker who formerly wrote on satiric website TheSpoof.com, has vowed to get revenge on the other writers who drove him away.
The un-named writer said that he once wrote vaguely comedic stories about the misadventures of minor celebrities and local personalities and quite enjoyed it for a number of days. But then the day he entered the writers Top 20 it all turned to a steaming dog turd nightmare.
"I was cruising along, gathering up points like cute squirrel when all of a sudden some of the regular writers noticed me. They started accusing me of being a spy. They said I was other writers and started insulting me on the forums, making me feel unloved and alone", said the former writer.
The accusations were of course unfounded, but that didn't stop the others from chipping away at the very heart of the un-named writers resolve. He turned to drink, then LSD and finally attempted to commit suicide by watching repeats of 'Heidi' on television.
He was hospitalised twice: once when he was 5, when he had his appendix removed - which was unrelated to TheSpoof.com; and then last year for banging his head multiple times against a brick wall of suspicion and fear.
But he has now grown strong through daily shots of testosterone and pineapple juice, and has sworn that he shall avenge the poor treatment he received on the comedy site.
"Thanks to the injections my voice has finally broken and my balls have dropped. I will now embark on a covert mission to destroy all those who molested me in the most inhumane of ways. The writers of TheSpoof.com must be taught how to love and share. The website was created by God himself to further human understanding and share joyous wonderment. It is not meant to be a secretive society of deluded nut-jobs and crackpots who use it to express their racist, pompous arrogant ideas and protect their sacred positions on the false God of writers charts", said the writer tearfully.
Who knows what crazy scheme the writer has planned?
The fuck if I know!