Why I Wouldn't Vote Republican

Funny story written by matwil

Saturday, 11 July 2009

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I wouldn't vote Republican because I love the fact that a horse has more brains and smaller teeth than John McCain

I wouldn't vote Republican because throwing people into concentration camps in Cuba without trial or evidence against them is fine, as long as I have the freedom to say nothing about it

I wouldn't vote Republican because I'm so responsible with guns I let my teenage children buy machine guns from gun dealers that are everywhere, to go and mass murder people in schools year after year

I wouldn't vote Republican because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians, men, women and children since 1990 for oil

I wouldn't vote Republican because I believe my taxes will be used to fund fascist Israel and illegal wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, none of which have anything to do with me or America

I wouldn't vote Republican because I pay the lowest prices and taxes in the Western world on gas, but want even lower prices and taxes on gas

I wouldn't vote Republican because I think millions of my own citizens have the worst health care, education and social security benefits in the Western world

I wouldn't vote Republican because the bad guys in Iraq were trained, armed and funded by the Republicans, and Americans are now dying there and can never win there, and will eventually have to pull out of the area after costing me lots more taxes

I wouldn't vote Republican because if my city gets hit by a hurricane or flooding, I'd like some help from the government for all the taxes I pay them

I wouldn't vote Republican because Republican Presidents are either embarrassing morons like George W Bush and Ronald Reagan, or thieves like Nixon or war criminals like George H Bush

I wouldn't vote Republican because the Republicans have turned the United States of America into the world's pariah, and have even turned Western Europeans against it

I wouldn't vote Republican because I'm intelligent

Luckily my head is up my ass so badly that I haven't noticed where most of my taxes are going - to fund troops fighting for the opium supplies of Afghanistan and oil in Iraq, and to arm the world's worst regime of Israel, and to line the pockets of a few very rich American arms-dealing families. But my mommy told me all my taxes were really going to help 'democracy' in the Middle East, so it must be true

If being sane means electing a drug-addicted alcoholic moron like George W Bush, a thief like Richard Nixon, a senile fool like Ronald Reagan, or a man who orders the total destruction of Iraq's infrastructure and thousands of civilian deaths for the crime of having a leader that the USA invented, and who invaded what has often been a province of Iraq, I'd rather believe ABC News and vote Republican

The Grand Old Party, you know it makes no sense, but you need them good ole delusions about mighty, right-wing America, that bravely fights for freedom and democracy across the world, and isn't being used by Britain and France to keep their Middle East assets secure

And the Republican voters all lived happily ever after ...

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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