Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 5 April 2009

image for Blacks And Red Indians Battle It Out In Dudley
Red Indian with tomahawk

There was real drama in the West Midlands town of Dudley yesterday afternoon when, in a strange new alternative re-enactment of the American Civil War, two tribes battled it out in the town centre for control of the marketplace.

The trouble flared when two groups of 'musicians' turned up at lunchtime to put on separate performances of their own particular brands of tribal music, both of them hailing from the racially-unsound United States of America.

First came the Red Indian duo of Nativo, dressed in traditional clothes, who swayed shoppers with melodic pan pipe rythms of their homelands, in languages now battered almost into oblivion by the kind of people that now promote democracy all over the world.

They drew a large audience of curious, yet appreciative, dullards.

The mood was soon shattered, however, when a second 'tribe' arrived.

Eight black gentlemen, armed with microphones and an amplifier, moved into an area just underneath the Duncan Edwards statue, and began to ... er ... 'sing'.

The intrusion was well-and-truly unwelcome.

The soothing sound of the Dakota Plains was immediately drowned out by the unruly and angry chants of the 'niggas' (they called themselves this!), whose amplifier was significantly more powerful than the one Nativo had brought with them.

The crowd did not take this assault on their ears lightly, and, as the Reds and the Blacks vied for supremacy in the marketplace, tempers simmered and eventually flared.

Each group cranked-up its efforts, but when that only served to create a veritable 'competition of sound', the two lead singers met in no man's land for a pow-wow, and a major confrontation was avoided only when Sharon Scroggins, manageress of the Wollaston Bakery, made a timely intervention, telling them to:


Said Sharon, 19, afterwards:

"I was enjoying the Red Indian music when this bunch of black lads turned up and started with their hip-hop bullshit. Some people might like it, but I don't - I'm a Madonna girl myself - and we're not having fighting outside the shop - it puts customers off."

Police were called to the scene and recovered 8 knives and two tomahawks.

Sergeant Bill Plod, of West Midlands Police, said:

"I don't know, what would Duncan have made of it? A bunch of negroes performing under his statue. I don't know what the world's coming to!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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