Written by The SSaint

Wednesday, 20 May 2009


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

Mr. Cowell agreed to a quick interview which was held right before the season finale of American Idol Season 8.

Q: So Simon, you said that this year was the best talent you have ever uncovered since the start of the show back in '01?

Simon: Oh Bollocks, I never said that, Paula did, she thinks so every season, thing is she has a very short memory span, let's just leave it at that...

Q: The new judge Kara, how is it working with her? Do you think it was the right choice bringing her in?

Simon: OK, firstly, you just asked me two questions, not one, that is cheating, Secondly, it was initially my decision to bring her in, I noticed her at a music benefit, had a quick look, and decided the show needed some eye candy. In retrospect though, I never realized that she would be such a tremendous pain in the ar##. Her sayings are phenomenally awful, I mean she tells contestants on a weekly basis, that they killed a song, and then she says its a compliment, does she even read? In my vocabulary, which is quite extensive, I understand killing a song, as being rubbish, but hey, this is the states...

Q: Speaking of that, you live in the US for 6 months in a year now. Are we to understand that you like it here?

Simon: Well, yes and no, yes in a sense that, the people are rarely as smart as me, and this is the only country, where insulting people, actually makes them like you, even if it is only because they have such limited vocabularies. Then a resounding no, I don't so much like it, other than the fact that I make millions over here, and that helps...

Q: Last question then, you once said, one can never have too much money, is this still the case?

Simon: Prepostorous, I said, that I could never have too much money, the rest of the world obviously has too much, which is why they should pass it on to me, the nimwits, look at Seacrest (Ryan) for instance, he is rich, but he still needs more, that is why he has so many jobs, I mean it's E! Entertainment, the radio thing, Idols, etc. etc. he does not have enough money, so he works more and more, it's not because he has such a great personality, it's because he is out of his mind, worrying about money.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more