Advice from Grandpa

Funny story written by bschooled

Saturday, 2 May 2009

Son, if I told you once, I told you a thousand times, one man's meat is another man's poison. I realize you are just sowing your wild oats, but believe you me, if you have seen one you have seen them all, and that lady friend of yours makes me as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Sure, she may be pretty as a speckled pup under a red wagon and look pure as a mothers breast milk, but mark my words, she's the type that would steal the quarters off a corpses eyes. I don't give a tinkers damn if she's the best looking girl you ever took a gander at, lord love a duck if you wear your heart on your sleeve you'll end up with legs so bowed you couldn't herd a hog in a narrow lane.

I may look and feel like a rung out old rag thrown out with the wash water, but mark my words I did not fall off the turnip truck , and if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, Goddamn it, it's a duck. If she screwed her head on straight she might not have to walk sideways, but then again, if wishes were fishes we'd all have a fry.

I know you are a bright whippersnapper- hell, if brains were lard yours could grease up a good size skillet- but there ain't no fool like an old fool, and take it from this wise old owl, when you lie down with dogs you end up getting fleas.

Then again, no use closing the barn door when the horse is already out…

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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