The Jackie Smith Guide To Being Home Secretary In 10 Easy Lessons

Funny story written by matwil

Friday, 17 April 2009

image for The Jackie Smith Guide To Being Home Secretary In 10 Easy Lessons
The sea of Jacquility

  1. Hire pornographic films on government expenses, then get your husband to take the blame to protect your job
  2. Buy three houses on taxpayers' money, and fail to declare that you have
  3. Claim you're tackling crime, then call police to investigate a tea boy publicising your office's gossip, costing the nation millions of pounds
  4. Claim £300,000 in 'expenses', or what the public call 'theft'
  5. Ignore the fact that your former boss publicly lied and broke international law to involve Britain in a criminal and illegal war, despite claiming to tackle 'crime'
  6. Launch a campaign to end violence and sexual assault against women, then go home and watch films with violence and sexual assaults against women
  7. Give endless self-publicising interviews about everything from football clubs to women's clothing prices, then wonder why the press ridicules you as being hopeless
  8. Have Britain's worst hairdo, that looks like a weasel in a fight with a nest of red squirrels
  9. Wake up to the fact that if a woman wants to succeed at politics she has to be smarter and tougher than the men in politics
  10. Resign

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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