If you rub your warts with an old dishrag and go bury it behind her house at midnight on a full moon, they'll all disappear overnight and reappear on your Mother-In-Law's tits!
Although the Eskimo has over 40 different words for snow, the French outdo them by having over 55 different words for surrender.
Never leave a Viagra pill lying out where your pet dickie bird might find it. If he eats it and spots another dickie bird, he will explode.
If you ever have a blow-out of a front tire and find your spare tire is missing or flat, you can still make it to a service station by having all passengers sit on the opposite side of the flat and drive at 10 MPH.
Because of their unusual shape, Hershey's Kisses are mistaken for an enema more than 1,000 times a year!
Jack Elliot, inventor of the '60's dance, "The Slide" admits that he was doing a two-step and had to speed it up a lot because of needing to get to the bathroom in a hurry and didn't quite make it.
There is enough energy in a single grain of sugar to make an ant hyper for nearly six months.
The huge cockroaches usually seen in the far south such as those in Florida are the very same cockroaches seen up north in places like Chicago, but with a thyroid problem!
Back in the 15th and 16th centuries, carrying a small turd in your pocket was for good luck, being called, "A turd for the worse." However the royalty in England disdained such terms and changed it to, "A turn for the worse." For example, see Shakespeare's sonnet line, "Thou turd for the worse".
If you're a beekeeper and you plant a little mint between your rows of flowers, it will cause each piece of bee's wax to have a different flavor when chewed.
Several first-hand witnesses swear that Douglas MacArthur did not say "I shall return" upon preparing to leave the Philippines but was telling his driver, "My piles have returned!"
The average kangaroo will hop less than 1,000 times in his lifetime, unless it sees a snake or has a really bad case of hiccups!
Henri Feller, the man with the amazing memory that can tell you exactly what happened on every day of his life, cannot walk and chew gum at the same time!
The word "Easter" actually comes from the goddess of Spring, Astarte, who in mythology was a giant rabbit who shit chocolate eggs.
When Jerry Garcia was 15 years old, his old man told him to "either shit or get off the pot", Jerry decided to shit his pants, thereby making a decision that would affect his entire life!
